ran into someone who graduated hs with us while i was paying for booze in quarters. i love it when people from my past catch me in my classier moments.
i ate 2 chicken nuggets and puked out 5. that doesn't even make mathematical sense
Anyway, my grandfather thinks you're attractive
so we have officially lost him as of 7 hours ago.. already called campus security, the drunk tank and the hospital. figure he'll turn up eventually..
i'll start checking the bushes on campus.
I've made out with men from every corner of the globe. Sex-wise, I've almost conquered europe. Take that napoleon
She said her hobbies include bangin guys on one night stands and then sending them facebook relationship requests the next morning just to freak em out
Mym mom just came downstairs as I got ghome ans I'm trying to act SO CASUAL as i stabdh here hut icant help bur be like 'girl where's ther Turkey sandwiche s' haahaa
I literally need you to talke care of me soooo9o9oooooo drubj gril makin a sabdwiche. SO far its judst bred and paper towel...
I'm surprised I haven't crapped out a leprechaun, I'm so hungover
Got laid last night using the intro line of "rate your hurricane evacuation plan on a scale of 1-10"
It was all fun and games until she said "you're so pretty I wanna punch you in the face" and the proceeded to punch her in the face
he started frosting cupcakes and licking the mini-spatula realllllly deliberately and i don't know if i'm more attracted to him or the cupcakes
Wanna bang and Pregame work? I know you're the manager just promise to not fire me
Who wakes up at 9 and says "let me send a pic of my dick to my ex gf"
We gotta locate my vibrators and get them stashed away STAT
Thanks for the hospitality last night.
You mean sex?
Yes....hospitality.
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