You up for the gym tonight after work?
I'm up for a light workout and a nice yog.
Fair enough, I'm gonna hit it hard today.
Chris Brown style, or less felonious?
Haha, all felonious.
tan lines, throwing up everclear on the beach, doing lifeguards, tequila...summer.
I woke up at 6 on his trampoline wearing only a parka.
I just got this text "hi this is Julie, I met you last night in the bathroom. You asked me to text you and remind you that you ate an entire lime, because you figured your sober self in the morning would be confused."
Sounds good. Stay safe. I'm kind of drunk in a Food 4 Less right now and I'm having the time of my life.
Why is my drynk life bleeding into my real life
Do what? I was just saying that at some point there's a chance I'll have a boner. Think of it like a guessing game. "Does he have one now?"
Wanna hang out? my DILF had to dip out for his sons little league game
A girl told me I was her "alcohol spirit animal" tonight. Somehow I think my whole life was secretly building up to this moment
Hey your work video crashed my computer. The 8 pornos running in the other window didn't. Congratulations.
You're worse than that girl who made out with her cousin at that party
That was you...
I can't believe i lost my ID... bringing my birth certificate to the club was a weird experience
It's like if you wanna bond just do a ropes course or have group sex you don't have to be weird about it
Told a guy at the bar I was hurricane evacuees with no place to stay. Just woke up at his place. God bless Florence
This girls ass literally just fell out of her jeans in front on me on the escalator. Going commando on a Monday morning is a bold move.
Randomize
