so last night was fun and all.. but you might want to get tested
Don't really want to talk about it. You were right. She had a whole jar of toenail clippings on her nightstand that she chews on "when her fingernails are too short." Direct quote.
Ketchup is God's man juice
i just packed a bowl on a big bird place mat and smoked it in a spaceship with a slide. i love babysitting.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You told me I was special while we were having sex and I asked why.
What did I say?
Don't ask me questions while I have an erection,
I JUST WANT TO WATCH PORN BUT THE CAT IS JUST SITTING HERE LICKING HIS BALLS. I CAN'T DO IT.
So I walk in and he's teaching someone in London via Skype how to roll a blunt. I have new found respect for him.
Stop trying to get a gf and raw dog some forest beasts like sasquatch
I walked in on him pumping himself up by headbanging to the drumbeat from Jumanji.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It took me longer to finish the bottle of scotch we bought together on New Years than it did for her to meet a new guy and get engaged
So I've decided that blue balls for lesbians is rainbow balls and the struggle is real
My lease is up and I've been thinking, it's only fair that the guys I've fucked in this apartment in the past year help me move. They enjoyed the bed, now help me move it.
How I know that I'm single: when I get a save the date for a wedding & I read "& guest" my first thought was does my bottle of Jack Daniels count.
This is the nicest bathroom I've ever been drunk in. The urinal is gold.
What's a professional way to say get your shit in gear?
Randomize