Wearing a Sarah Lawrence sweatshirt is like wearing a shirt that says, "I'm getting a degree in substitute teaching."
I just got over my period in 3 days...I believe that is god's way of saying "go fuck an amazingly attractive Italian boy on vacation"
she was pretty happy for someone in the middle of a herpes outbreak, how was i supposed to know?
Woke up to a huge puddle of water in the living room floor, apparently I made an indoor snowman.
the intervention consisted of my aunt taking me to chuck-e-cheezs and telling me that this was my future - either as a mom or as a waitress - unless i stopped fucking around.
did she buy you pizza?
My only downfall is that I can only take shots in twos.
We waved. But it was a "let's hook up" wave.
I feel like I have heartburn in my nipples.
The sense of comroderie I've built with my liver over the course of this semester is beautiful
I just want to lay in a bed of egg mcmuffins and cry
He yelled "HOO-ah!" like Al Pacino when he pulled down his pants. Trust me, he has every right to.
I like how I just yelled in the window at Mcdonalds drive thru, got his number and then fucked. it was like I ordered a happy meal that only can be had after midnight.
Sometimes being bisexual is a curse. Turns out I banged both of her older twin brothers last summer.
Being forward is somethimes a problems. Like in sexual deity Kong.
I think you’re losing coherence.
I am
I have to stop at Sheetz to put my bra back on before I meet you hold on
Randomize
