Gentlemen...shes not going to tie her self to the table...
I had another sleeping on concrete incident.
Was I wearing clothes when I handed you your keys. Please tell me I was wearing clothes.
she passed out facedown in my lap while I was playing piano. 11 years of piano lessons finally paid for themselves.
We all have our weaknesses that drive us crazy. We happen to have one in common, 21 year olds. Your secrets safe. Touch his penis.
Going to an AA meeting just so I can fuck him...That's dedication
I wonder how your parents would feel if the scarf they gave me for Christmas is mainly being used for a blindfold during sex...
I think it was clear she was setting us up when she brought me over to you and said "Present!"
Help everyone's hot
Men are hot women are hot non-binary people are hot aliens are hot
Go to the bar. Find a girl. Ask if she can cook. Tell her you have a guitar at home. Ask her if she wants to see it. Bring her home. Sleep with her. Tell her it's your birthday in the morning. Enjoy your made with lust breakfast.
You can't just walk around stealing hats from drunk boys and peeing in bathtubs. Turn down.
I'm running late...how do you explain period shits to your boss?
Leave it to me to pull up my boyfriend’s grandfather’s obituary just to find out the name of his sister.
Do you remember me asking for jerk off videos from Tinder guy?
Nah I don't remember that being part of the criteria
He just said "I can't wait to penetrate you tomorrow" I sat in silence for a second...he attempted to save it by saying "I can't wait to enter you".
Randomize
