i never knew gatorade would taste just as good on the way back up
My parents came down to check and make sure I wasn't into any mischief then proceeded to give me alcohol.
she had condoms in her med. cabinet - magnums -I don't think I'm tall enough for this ride
It's mornings like this that make me happy to have a clean pair of underwear in my purse.
This girl in the gym has an amazing body...too bad there's no workout routine for a face.
I bruise way too easily for the kind of rough sex I want...
A guy in a sombrero stopped to take a picture with me sitting on the curb.
We need to stop sleeping with people based on which NFL team they like.
He's texting from midnight mass asking for nude pics. Baby Jesus is spinning in his manger as we speak
I was just doing the math on how much beer we need for the houseboat. in doing so, I came to the conclusion that we need to open a beer distributor business.
I knew how high you were when you put a french fry in your mouth and said 'fuck, this tastes like meat but feels blue.'
I want to conceive our bastard child on an athletic field. Why can't we make this happen?
"Uno más" are officially my least favorite words in the entire Spanish language.
Something in me snapped and now I’m just googling famous vegans.
My Mini-Van Handjob Milf is leaving the company. I need to find a new job. I can’t handle this place without those handjobs
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