pick me up and take me to a bathroom i have to shit
no
the bathroom is right infront of the beerpong table
im sorry you werent invited but you live 2 blocks away PLEASE
i think i just was awoken by the sound of my roommate choking on her boyfriend's dick
So what's the moral of this story? Aside from 'lesbians hold grudges'?
Best moment of my life. I just got a text from some random number that said i can't wait to touch you. Her name is kiara and she had the wrong number.
Corey Haim died. 80's me is so sad
I hope you remember pushing the girl off the stage because you said she wasn't good at pole dancing.
In the library. Still drunk. Shoes missnig. Term paper due in fiften minutes. Iff I puke u think theyll throw me out?
The last thing I remember is ordering two Martinis while yelling 'CAN YOU PUT THAT IN ONE GLASS?'
ugh... I can't wait for campus to get back. Then everyone will have other things to try to have sex with besides me.
I think that the winner of this years fantasy football league should get naming rights to you child
You are my best friend, but sometimes best friends need to punch each other in the face
I don't think a gay three way is the best way to confirm your sexuality.
You knew you'd end up at his house the minute you emptied the bowl of condoms into your purse.
Tonight we learned that just because we can fit a Tic Tac in the tip of my penis that does not mean we should.
I paper cut my nipple reading mail topless
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