Woke up with a retainer in my boxers and about ten chicks passed out around me. now I feel like something out of Cinderella, trying to find whose teeth fit in the glass retainer.
sitting in an airport in detroit. just saw a commercial for detroit tourism with kid rock as a spokesman. reason # 1458 to never visit this city.
I forgot to tell you the best part. The folded up paper he wrote his number on opened up to be a picture of him when he was younger wearing a Columbia tshirt in front of NASA and in pen said his name and "space consultant."
Oh god. There is a bite mark in the bar of soap. Please tell me I was not that wasted.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
my night ended with a pity blow in a racecar bed
Also, I might need your help for a prank involving a hand puppet, a coke bottle, double-sided tape, and my dick...
He was dressed as a cowboy and he was dancing with my ex roommate. So I took his gun and pistol whipped him with it..then somehow we still slept together..
Its not even real halloween yet. This extremely toxic yet briliant costume is going to kill me
Yea I almost drowned giving a BJ in the shower once
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I actually feel bad for him. He has me as a girlfriend and he's like a saintly cleanly person... And I'm over here telling him to jizz on my back and shit.
If I send Ben a tit pic but I do it while wearing a Tom Brady mask is that funny or creepy
I woke up with a bunch of jolly ranchers and an eight ball in my purse. Successful
So I scratched the whole boyfriend plan and got wasted. Wanna try again tomorrow?
Remind me to do laundry tomorrow so i have something decent to take off when i get laid.
I'm eating Arby's in the bathtub because I'm an adult and I do what I want
Randomize