What did you even date her?
because emotionally unstable girls are great in bed.
frozen peaches as icecubes. vodka Sundays just got wayyyy better
its mom's weekend..did we need to couger proof the apt?
The boys in front of me put beer, red plastic cups, ping pong balls, lighterfluid, and twelve packs of pantyhose on the conveyor belt. Whatever drinking game they're playing, I want a part in.
Dude, I couldn't come. She sounded like a goddamn dying walrus.
I just dont understand why you didnt cut me off when I took the funnel into the bathroom and started peeing and funneling at the same time
I cant prove it..but im almost positive that you were just outside my window watching me while eating out of a bag of Cheetos...
Carpe scrotum. Grab life by the balls.
Ok. I'll enjoy the quiet (translation: I might be naked, call ahead if you come home tonight)
how do you ask an olympian for your underwear back?
He's ninety percent amazing leader, brother, and teacher, and ten percent unforgivable douche. These are the men I look up to in my life.
he sent me a green and gold dick pic and advised me I needed to come drive the snake from Ireland.
You know you have a problem when your man yells at you that his penis is not your personal play toy.
HE MIGHT HAVE YOUR BUTTHOLE, BUT HE CANT HAVE YOUR HEART. THATS MINE.
I don't know what she did to me last night, but the scratches on my back indicate that I had sex with a Bengal tiger last night.
Randomize
