Ok let's jusst not talk today bc then we'll just do dangerous things but I'll say hello
Sex on a trampoline was so worth getting a mosquito bite on my penis
you'll never believe how fucking awesome rain man is when you're stoned.
you tried to clear everyones facebook status so that yours would be the only one on everyones home page
Contrary to what I yelled at them last night, it turns out campus police CAN arrest people...
I'm in my winter jacket and nothing else. very drunk. bring bitches.
is it bad that upon arriving to my fourth sex toy party the sex toy lady instantly recognizes me?
My drunk body wants to fuck you so bad, but my high mind is telling me it's too much work. I think I'm just gonna stay home and eat some Mac and cheese. Sorry.
Just did my hair and make up at mcdonalds so we're in the same boat.
It's Christmas week. I wouldn't know what to do if i wasn't hung over.
True bitches know their best friends favorite Boones Farm flavor.
If the world ends now I want you to know I was on my favorite toilet fighting the good fight.
The fact that I made out with a twenty one year old father is kind of worrying me now. Like. This is exactly what I wasn't supposed to do in life.
My ex boyfriend just amazon primed me a vibrator...guess I seemed stressed?
Who was that dick in the suit telling us to stop drinking?
The priest.
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