Drunk x Brooklyn = problems getting home. If I don't make it you can have my computer and my bitches. You're welcome.
I woke up this morning and was hoping we drank enough last night to have a unicorn drawn on my wrist. Good News: We did.
So stoned I forgot I was masturbating and went to go get a cookie.
I glued a penny on the door Tricia believes its Patrick Swayze haunting our apartment. Fuckin potheads.
Guy next to me is looking up how to press his own ecstasy pills. I'm going to befriend him and see where this goes
passed a homeless guy with a sign that read "420 vetran" we gave him a bowl of bud
He broke the bed, AND shit in the closet. What a way to lose his virginity. What a night.
Booty calls should never involve the cops.
Of course I understand. Thou shalt never turn down a free meal or drink. It's one of the commandments of being a girl.
Good luck getting that all cat food off in the shower dumbass
With everyone putting up pictures of their moms on Facebook it's time to go single MILF hunting.
im single, its not even nine am on Valentine's day and I've already gotten laid. suck it relationships
We showed up to the ER to pick him up and I was still wearing face paint from the game. Then I threw up in the sink. Those doctors did not like us at all.
Whatever douche. I sucked the dick that made you. I. Win.
I am playing in the snow in my bunny outfit. GET OVER HERE
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