I feel like death. And death is wearing a fleece blanket as a dress. And is seriously contemplating wearing this to go get something to eat.
Guess what I'm doing tomorrow?
Becoming a productive member of society?
Sam. Come on.
He talked me into making a sex video, no worries though, I was wearing sunglasses.
Is it true if I say your name three times, you'll appear and whore everything up?
Happy Thanksgiving! Hope its not too awkward that your dad and your boyfriend are the same age.
I will expect an hourly check text to confirm you are alive and that you aren't dead in a ditch somewhere with a hobo dry humping your corpse
I asked him if we could switch positions so I could watch the Olympics... I'd say date number two is a miss
Now, one of you come feed me, the other read me my physics book...I'm too hungover for this shit...
Don't go to jail over some guy named Bunky
i dont believe you. i want proof. if you end up at a hospital send me a pic.
She said she hasn't cheated on me in 7 and a half days and she'd like praise for that.
I just turned down an invite to sit on a face. IDK who I am.
What? Are you sick?
I called him Oliver all night
His name is Brandon
Dude... Those don't even start with the same letter...
last night someone said that theyd like to do drugs with a dolphin ... judging from the diagram on the wall we figured it out.
all we need now is a dolphin ... and some drugs.
She played the piano. I played the piano. She got on top of the piano. I got on top of her.
Randomize
