So the last day on the vacation I woke up in the bath tub. My mom said she asked me during the night what I was doing and I said, "swimming."
five shots of tequila, anal and 3 cigarettes. not my best idea on a saturday afternoon.
i wish there was an iPhone app that lets you write a TeXt LiKe tHiS
dude...come out of the closet already
i don't remember it, but i know we had sex because my stuffed animals were facing the wall
All the walks of shame were condensed into the hour before parents started showing up. Move out day is so bittersweet
In a world where you don't want your phone to pocket dial your parents at 2 in the morning while you're running around Florida shitfaced, Droid does.
Apparently I fed my Plan B to my turtle last night.
Next time when I try to seductively eat onion rings while drunk remind me of tonight.
get over here soon, theyre throwing bbeers at us from the roof. keyword : throwing
I may have just unintentionally roofied a man in a wheelchair
fuck Derek. I choose weed. weed isn't angry and would never ask me to be someone I'm not.
When you're not at your house I assumed you're somewhere having sex
Also I'm sorry for asking you to shave my vagina for me last night
Well shit I mean if you get a bunch of cashed up drunk lesbians together in a casino, it's bound to go south at some point
I told him that he could either pay the 10 dollars for the box of condoms or I'll make him pay for the diapers.
Randomize
