I got drunk and applied for two credit cards last night. About to find out if anyone in this world is still dumb enough to give me credit.
she added me on facebook and her celebrity doppelganger is rosie odonnel. FUCK
It smells like ranch
Must be all the white people
If you're still awake, how rude would it be if I masturbated in her new apartment on moving day? If you're asleep, then ask me how it was.
Dude, she introduced me to her best friend form Russia and she was a 10. Her other Russian friend was even hotter. How did communism fail?
Bring it all. We will have a potluck of drugs. It will be magical.
Just saw a homeless man taking a shower in someone's sprinkler system....
I miss the days of selfishly blowing a load in the condom without her knowing and acting all like "we shouldn't do this" so she would get dressed and leave.
Vodka shot parachutes
Fucking utilizing a thrid story dorm room
All I know is that your reaction after this date with him was "I think I did cocaine" so I'm sold on this boy
You should kill a bro for me and drag his carcass home so I can study him.
That final makes me want to drink myself into the fetal position
right now I need to figure out a smart way to get an accurate picture of his dick so I know what in dealing with, right now in flying blind.
Can't beat it when the local bar sends you off with a loaf of bread on the way out the door.
Wrong Cuomo but I had a dream last night in which I was very sexually attracted to Chris
Randomize
