I have demons in me.
Oh my god he is having a sentimental moment right now.
He just sent me like a really heartfelt confession of love in which he ended with "make the apt, I'll hold your hand while you get your clit pierced."
Another weekend, another 3 guys I have to awkwardly avoid while crossing campus...
He came in my eye, I lost my earring and all of his friends saw me topless. Happy New Year to you as well.
Not enough. Tell the person next to you to give you their drink. I give you permission. And then chug it. Be a hero tonight.
I vaguely remember you trying to make me a casserole with marshmallows and a can of beer.
CHAZ BONO WILL BE ON THE NEXT SEASON OF DANCING WITH THE STARS.
Internet Is back!
MY NEWS TRUMPS YOURS.
im just gonna lie here and collect money in this whoppers bag while sprawled out on this bench and explain that its to buy weed for my hangover
no, throwing your underwear at it is not the solution to everything
If I ever write a book, i'm calling it "why do i work with fucktards?"
It'll be a good sequel to my other book, "why do i sleep with fucktards?"
I'm working on finding a bottomless situation. Both pants and mimosas.
Fell asleep in the library, woke up because I almost let out a sleep fart. That was close.
Well I mean he still had sex with me after I told him that I play fetch with the kids I take care of, so I'm not really looking too far ahead with him...
I have to close one eye, because I don't wanna see two movies, I only want to see one.
A dozen naked frat boys in squirrel masks just ran by. Welcome to the official start of the holidays.
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