Masterbating to gospel music is like god cheering on your orgasm
Yes my plan is to drink the college out of me so i can be an adult by monday
lets just say that i have already today: gotten drunk, got in a fight, got stranded an hour away from home, found a ride, sobered up, and slept. woken back up, and here i am. its been a long day. Day drinking is bad for friendships.
I fingered her though her window because she couldn't leave
Would it be out of line to take a picture of all the earrings, rings, hairclips, and other miscellaneous girl items that I found under my bed and post it on facebook and tag all the girls that I slept with this year so they can claim their shit and get it out of my house?
Babe.. You are farting in your sleep and it literally smells like something crawled up your asshole and died.. I'm gagging and I feel like I'm eating your fart right now. I want to tape your ass cheeks shut and plug up that canon you call your ass. All I hear is snores and farts.. You are lucky I love you
She is the Michael Jordan of blowjobs. Unfortunately, her baby sister is the Michael Jordan of baseball of blowjobs. It does not run in the family.
Is your gma going to be okay with me passed out drunk on the ground
Note to self. The tub labelled "not water" does not contain water.
So as a result of a tragic manscaping accident I've had to shave all the hair off of my legs. The result is... not great
I love getting kicked out of places. Its like winning a little league game
Still drunk on my morning "run" which has turned into a walk. Just burped fireball
Duck, Duck, Goose is now the autocorrect, safe for work version of fuck, fuck, loose.
On a scale from 1-10 how fucked up would it be to buy weed with my fafsa money?
It's a study aid
Fuck me I smell like cheese
Randomize
