His moose knuckle keeps winkin at me
im having a threesome with these popsicles
I woke up and went to my kitchen naked and decided I wanted a fruit cup. Ate said fruit cup. Look over and notice my male neighbor is staring at me
I wish guys would just cum water 'cause you don't have to worry about being pregnant and it'd be like a squirt gun fight
Hey just wanted to let you know my nose is broken and I have a fractured wrist. I told you it wasn't a slip and slide.
Dude I didn't think you'd do it. I mean come on, who puts a slip and slide on their driveway?
i woke up to banging and pieces of ceiling falling on my face
2nd fun fact: he has a square tan line around his dick.
Yea, I had a chaperone thankfully. I'm in the fetal position attempting to eat captain crunch now.
While I'm on hiatus from the Russian potato nectar, it is my wish for others to enjoy it in my stead.
I messaged him asking for his address. He replied with the address then said, "If you're gonna stalk me, I'm the third window on the side and usually get naked around 8am and anytime randomly after 6pm (listen for music).. If you're sending anthrax, I'm 6'2" 225lbs so send a good amount."
One of the art pieces was basically this chick throwing raw meat at the audience, anyone who got hit (which I did) got a free shot of whiskey. It was worth it.
It's like all the guys I keep around if I wanna have sex with all got mad at the same time. I guess I'll get out my vibrator again.
FUCK. EVERYONE MAKE MY CONTACT NAME DADDY ISSUES
Not only did I sleep with the guy but I think I may have called my work and quit to go work for him.
sober me needs to have more faith in drunk me.
Randomize
