there is a homeless man oan crack poledancing on a fence... now hes humping it...
I feel like death. And death is wearing a fleece blanket as a dress. And is seriously contemplating wearing this to go get something to eat.
omg. he's a virgin strip club employee who's going to college on a ping pong scholarship. this is unreal.
Just pooped at the strip club. NOT NORMAL . I may be a little too comfortable here.
I smell like Captain Morgan and tears
Ok that kid was ether gay or 12 with a beard.
Lots of alcohol. 3rd graders fuck me now.
Auto correct or actual 3rd graders?
I'm going to get pregnant and die... Mean Girls warned me about this but I didn't listen
"Every minute you spend hanging out with David is a minute you could spend meeting someone new, who isn't a huge douche" - Buddha
Walked up in time to hear him say "you saw I was in a relationship on facebook? So why are you holding my nuts?" To her. That's loyalty man
NO HOOKUPS IN THE CAR. I will try as i might to practice what i preach, but there are no guarantees.
The only downside to doctor sex is that getting choked with a stethoscope leaves marks.
No kiss but I got free McDonald's so at least we can focus on what is really important here
Youre a wreck. Youll be in your dorm weeping to project runway covered in pizza sauce and smelling of stale beer
FUCK ME I smuggled weed onto a plane by accident
Randomize
