All I remember is saying that "fire will make it all better"
How long can I microwave pasta with a 20 percent alcohol content?
Subtly mention that I'm not a lesbian. I would only go for rebecca's nipples because they're pierced and I like shiny things.
now that you've tased me I refuse to buy you flowers
Is it possible to dent your eyeball? And how do you "accidentally" go cosmic bowling?
Bring scissors.....i think im gonna have to be cut out of this damn jockstrap
We hit a golf ball off Brady's ass. His dignity flew away into the night.
Which outfit says "I'm sorry for your loss but we're still banging later"?
And then we made magical love in his room under a blacklight as his roommate and girlfriend argued violently in the living room
Part of my treatment is getting high and having sex with 22 year olds. I have a prescription!
Everyone here knows me as 'that chick who will most likely steal your girlfriend'. My 99% success rate tells me this name is acceptable.
Grandpa just put 6 jello shots on his plate. My aunt tried to take them away; he flipped her off. Living in the retirement home has hardened him.
I used the line "you don't have enough pillows". Then left. Thought you should know.
After 2 minutes he came and said, "thanks for everything". I can't wait to hear what he says next time when I do more than just lay there.
I guess she found the pillow case full of vomit I hid last night: "Oh my God. Oh my God. In my fucking FRIDGE?! Really? Hope your dick falls off there's puke all over my food. Fucking die."
Randomize
