I just hope my dad was drunk enough to not remember the whole convo we had about anal.
my mom just found my bong and asked what it was. I told her it was a hookah
and she bought it?!?
yeah...but her friends at work told her hookah was fun and now she wants to smoke it with me...im thinkin yes
i no longer even have beer goggles. i'm pretty sure i blacked out and had beer lasik.
She guessed my name 9 times, and 5 of those times she guessed Mike. Figured that'd be an easy target for the night.
We're official. Living with your boyfriend sounds so much better than fucking your roommate.
It's shedding
I told you penises don't tan
I don't know why I've never thought to take my bong into the bathtub before.
They're frat boys at heart and have sickly, dusty, rotting souls.
I'm cleaning my apartment while naked. Anyone who says that's not why they want to live on their own is lying.
It wasn't even dirty talking, it was more like the soothing gentle nonsense noises you make when you've spooked a horse.
Oh god now he thinks I'm into him because I've been staring at him trying to figure out what animal he looked like
Rule 1: If any of us dies on a trip, the other two have to 'Weekend at Bernies' the shit outta that corpse...
The only times we have to apologize in this friendship is when you intentionally punch me and that's only happened once so it's okay
Still drunk, heading to class.
It's 3 a.m. Dude
Doesn't mean I'm not at my desk. Ill wait.
Dude, she stopped mid blow job to ask the cat's name. ADHD might be a deal breaker after all.
Randomize
