Midget sex pt 2 tonight
even a "fuck you" would be nice at this point.
I'm going to go hang out on a giant wooden pirate ship for 5 days.
the semester is winding down: time to procrastinate by googling cheap keg options
i want you to know that after i type the word "your" , vagina is next on my auto correct text
She offered to massage my back by hitting it with a sparkly purple double dildo... Bi chicks can get creepy
Left my card at the bar and had a drunk girl climb on the hood of my running car to scream at me.
if i'm ever face-down on the ground puking again, promise me you won't try to braid my hair?
You kept trying to throw the grocery cart off the balcony.
In other more interesting news I'm going to arrange a surprise orgy. You in?
His dad gives me dirty looks whenever I come over though. I think it's because I eat his food and have sex with his son.
I went to an 8am hookup in another guys sweatpants. Who is the really player here?
My ex's psycho new girlfriend found my vibrator I forgot at his place. Apparently she didn't find it as funny as I did. 😂
don't think less of me for this, but i'm pretty sure he did a line off my boob last night.
I just want a guy who makes lots of money, has a skilled penis and the sex drive of a 22 year on Viagra. Is that too much to ask?
Randomize
