we were just talking about designated drivers and i suggested we each hire a mexican day laborer to give us piggy back rides... i have the best ideas eveeer
I got to see an enormous amount of vagina this morning.
I just found a receipt from ace where I bought 1 lrg plastic funnel, 2ft of 1" plastic tubing, and a 48" toboggan sled. Thank you cashier #552 for letting that poor life decision happen.
I'm doing laundry in pjs and heels, home alone with my margarita bucket.
Hey man thanks for carrying me in and out of that frat house. There's no I in team.
Despite fighting the urge to vomit throughout the whole thing, I think that interview went really well!
Right, because I totally see myself driving all the way down there to fuck his world famous penis.
Does hooking up with the gay pledge count as hazing?
Everyone is drunk but me. Fantastic. Everyone is hooking up but me. Awkward.
I had a pitcher of margaritas. Now I'm in a laundry room being a 5th wheel and crying. I made myself a bed out of a pool floatie. I win.
I told you he wasn't attractive.
Do you think I cared? I was wiping myself with a scarf..
Unfortunately, the Bilbo Baggins adventure side of me that likes to go on adventures appears to be losing to the side of me that likes to smoke weed in the bathtub and watch Workaholics.
Care to explain the single rose and the package of "Cowboy Moustaches" I found on the porch?
I want to be "performing a disservice to society by actually wearing clothes in public" hot.
sober me is the one who makes bad decisions every boyfriend I've ever had I met sober
I would let him fuck me right here in this laundromat. Praise Satan.
Randomize
