You don't need id to drink rum in an alley.
Liz and I are now offficially highest. OH, and your girlfriend may be a vampire. Heads up. SPARKLESSSSS
Put my glitter back.
If it has a penis then it will be stupid. Just how it works.
He kept singing "who's that peekin in my window" we thought he was high til we realized someone was lookin in the windows.
He brought Stephanie home from the black light party. Apparently he has night vision beer goggles
Just got a message from a guy on a dating site who says he helped me remove lime pulp from my eye in a club toilet 2 weeks ago.
Is that you who's passed out on my treadmill?
Whoever brought the pigeon, please come and remove it from my living room.
The reign of the rally queen is over. Welcome to the age of the walking dead.
so you know how I brush my teeth after I give you a bj? according to my dentist my teeth have never been cleaner. looks like this will be a recurring thing
Since you're going to wake up and see one bajillion missed calls from me, I just want you to know that's a perfectly reasonable number. Now come downystairs.
I mean, I'm shallow, narcissistic, and selfish, but I'm an amazing friend sometimes
you would not believe who i just fucked on my lunch break
I wanna print it out and hang it on the fridge like parents do with good report cards.
oh the joys of a picture of a negative pregnancy test
Can I borrow a thong? I’m having drinks with a cute boy tonight and I’m out of clean underwear
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