Id settle for living inside the pirates of the carribean ride.
yeah bitch needs to recognize there's only one person with this face
my mom noticed the "toothpaste" stain on my tshirt...she repeatedly attempted to get it off by licking her thumb and rubbing it. See Jenn it obviously doesnt taste that bad...
the kid next to me in training is drinking sangria. its 9am here in case you couldnt calculate. its going to be a good year.
We decided that the paper cups disintegrating was god's way of telling us we had had enough
I'm sure that's not what the inventers of the Turkey baster had in mind, but that's what I had in mine.
Just peed on my foot. Thank you Sunday hangovers.
I will give you 100$, a blow job a day for a month and I will shave my legs according to societal standards until next November if you come recuse me from my night class right NOW.
The bachelor party was supposed to stay local but I think were in mexico.
I just drove by a stop sign that had a used maxi pad stuck to it WHAT THE FUCK
There were containers of weed in the piñata. How much more Colorado does it get
How many times have you told me to call 911 this week?
Lol twice
My vagina cried when he left. I think she's about to be at war with my self respect.
I'm at a Tim Horton's and two girls just came in handcuffed to eachother
It was get out of line and go pee and get no beef briskit. Or stay in line, pee my pants, but have beef briskit. I really wanted my beef briskit
Randomize
