ok plan lets look hot and dance like whores.
I just farted at work and tried to cover up the noise by shuffling papers around
it was better than the time i puked and I forgot to open the lid of the toilet
how do flat chested girls get laid?
Ive created a fbook group called "threesome" and invited two girls. Im not going to say a word and just see what happens.
Just want you to know I am def drunk enough to burn down your house. Don't worry I checked the stove like 6 times. I love grilled cheese
A stranger just came up to me and asked why I hadn't texted him, and if he was just a one night stand. I live for these moments.
gave him road head on the way to his grandparents house. purposely didn't let him finish, the sexual tension over turkey was indescribable.
I'm covered in sharpie and the girl next to me just said something smells like fried food. Hint: it's me. Why am I in class?
you cant ever make fun of my bong's stick on moustache again. its the reason the cop let me keep it and my weed.
Shaving your bikini line at 11 at night in the Walmart bathroom feels trashy no matter why you're doing it.
Definitely just poured my beer into a McDonald's cup so I could walk through Walmart without judgment. 'Murica.
It's like sleep walking but with blowjobs
I smell like a mix of alcohol, sweat, and sex and its only 10 AM
Tell me that I didn't just get ash in my Russian and just mix it TF in bc who cares and life has no meaning.
Randomize
