I dig being used for consequence free sex. Not consequenceful sex.
He nailed 50 frozen hamburgers to the ceiling last night. Now there are flies every where.
Well we didn't hook up. Maybe from his girlfriend's point of view, but not mine.
You need to get here now. Before they realize I'm not puerto rican.
I'm reciting my presentation (beer in hand) on the porch to a snowmen audience.
Rub those nipples and moan like a platypus.
Jesus, are you hammered?
Hammered for that juicy ass. I'll bring the straws.
Just induced vomiting to put out a carpet fire.
Everyone is cheering
Yeah I fingered her in the crowd and the dj saw it and gave me props over the speakers. I got so many high fives.
Tell me why I woke up spooning a hamburger like it was a teddy bear.
She still didn't believe that he would cheat on her so I finally said "how else would I know that his batman mask is still in the back of his car from halloween?" I think she accepted it
Your uterus is safe from my father's misconstrued prophecies.
ditto.
about cumming, not toast
You were holding onto her boobs like you were adrift at sea and they were the only flotation devices
We drunkenly made out once four years ago and then he immediately vomited and honestly I've never gotten over him
If I'm getting through this pandemic I'm doing it drunk.
Randomize
