for on dont try to tell me you love me after three weeks of talking, for two if you are going to do that stay away from the song lyrics to a very good country song that you happened to ruin by using it, and for three erase my number im fuckin your sister now
Is it sanitary to roast marshmallows over a cigarette lighter?
I can do it, this is my punishment and I will accept it, plus id like to see the look on peoples faces when I throw up on them
Asking the cop for directions wearing a lion mask may not have been my best moment...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She grabbed both of our dicks in the pool then said repeatedly, "this is my dream, this is my dream,"
New development. Drinking at work is so easy and awesome I might have to do it everyday.
It's a gateway drink.... Starts with wine... Then I wake up in my car with mascara on my arms covered in french fries...
Someone was asleep on the couch next to us and woke up. We paused and he yelled "gentlemen, behold! Sex!"
She is screaming bc she thinks you jumped out the window...please show her you just went out for a smoke
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Also he wants to know a casual, consise way to ask a girl in a bar if he could eat her out. Think on that.
Why would I take you home? That would eliminate the chances of you making bad decisions I could ridicule you about later.
but I have boobs. I'm not going to buy my own drinks at the bar like some kind of fucking animal.
You randomly sent me a black Santa Claus emoji at 2am. I think alcohol was involved.
Its 6:30pm and dad just drunk called me asking me what the alarm code at home is..... I'm at home, and dad isn't here.....
according to the calendar even that i put in my phone last night, i'm supposed to fuck shit up at 11am today... i really hope i didn't miss something important
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