my house keeper must think I'm a prostitute.
I hope God doesn't listen to everybody on a Saturday night.
the best part was when he threw his debit card on the table, looked at everyone and said "turn this into pizza!" It felt like a scene in a 'coming of age' teen comedy.
she was trying to give me a handjob in biology class while we were learning about the penis.
I brought red and green boonsfarm to the white elephant party. classy and festive. I think this is what people are referring to when they talk about killing two birds with one stone.
I need to hump something and I know u understand.
But I wanna cuddle and just put my hand awkwardly close to your penis area by accident and look at you
So the contents found in my winter coats this year: coat 1, condom and 10$. Coat 2, condom and 75$ check. Coat 3, 2.05$ and a sunflower seed.
Obviously coat 3 had the best time since you used the condom and all of the money
My legs have surpassed "hairy" and entered the territory of "furry". Maybe I should just suck it up and shave already
No now I'm curious!
Fuck I forgot the furry convention was this weekend and now I'm downtown. Way too high for this shit.
like, by the end of my shift people were asking if I'd sobered up enough to take a drink order yet. that bad.
He better be a good lay, these underwear cost $50.
Never ever make a tattoo bet. I now have a shamrock on my dick.
i was asked to be gay of honor by three different girls and NONE of the groomsmen at any of the weddings is open to experimenting. i mean whats the point then.
Hypothetically speaking, if a girl asks you to fuck her wearing only your hockey helmet, is that socially acceptable?
Randomize
