he whipped it out and it smelt like my toilet after taco Tuesday
he stole me 6 pairs of frilly undies and proclaimed "your ass looks like a 5 in those. it'll be a 10 in these bad boys". every girl needs a gay bff.
when the lights went off, all i could see was the glowing of the camera light in the closet... i got the fuck out of there so fast.
After that we used the in-room hotel coffee pot to warm up some queso. it was brilliant
They wouldn't let me go to sleep at the police station while I was waiting to bail u out. YOU OWE ME
Im just saying it can't be that bad if he drove himself to the er. We'll head that way when we finish playing scattergories
We're discussing which museums we should go to when we shroom. How ill would Picasso be?
You slow clapped the stripper last night.
I tore the muscle in my left calf at the gym and still spent all evening in heels. UNSTOPPABLE!
We went to Olive Garden so high we didn't talk and managed to be awkward enough for the waiter to ask if it was our first date
ill dress up as a sperm donor and you can go as the cup....
I feel like I should have held a press conference. The state of my vagina
We can only continue to use the "oh what's the difference between circumcised and uncircumcised" for a few more months before people will see through our lies
Your dick is the only reason I have motivation to come back to school today
I may or may not have spiked my gatorade to get through a game of monopoly with these children.
Randomize
