his mom cheated on his dad so i think he has a weird freudian thing for whores
I ate a pepperoni off of someone's floor last night. We need to talk.
I had to feed him the pizza because he was too blazed to do it himself
He needs a high five right to the fucking mouth. With a chair. Or an atomic bomb.
These pissing matches have to stop. They led to last night's scotch through the nose shots. I'll never smell again.
yeah we're mixing orange juice, vodka, and rum and calling it Oj Simpson On Trial
She asked if I wanted to "Mormon Motorboat" her, which I guess is just motor-boating her through her cloths. Turns out I did.
We got naked and peed in the garden. Something about bonding with our new house
She is currently drunk and caressing my professor's face with one hand.
I'm worried because he hasn't removed it.
Son of a bitch took my liquid eyeliner
He sent me a blank text message. That's a booty call waiting to happen
Well, if worst comes to worst, I have pictures of his penis that I can put on the internet
I ACCIDENTALLY MURDERED MY COUSIN
HOW DO YOU ACCIDENTALLY MURDER YOUR COUSIN
It wasn't my fault.
You let her suck your neck. Yes it was your fault.
All of a sudden he got that look on his face and ran to the dance floor and started fist pumping to Rihanna that kind of night
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