and this is why I hate my dad. He got 25x more angry with me when I wanted to drive a different route then he suggested to get to his house (more scenic- thus more enjoyable) then he did when I told him I was driving drunk with 4 people in the car and I got my 5th speeding ticket last night.
9 beers later and she still looks like Gary Busey.
You suck. You're fired. I need to find a less reasonable voice-of-reason.
please tell me i can get drunk off sparkling grape juice. even if you have to lie, please say yes.
Our dealer is pledging my frat. When he come to sell me weed I make him take out the garbage.
He asked if I wanted to "hang out"
A verb which here means "do lines off my dick"
Cant wait to drunkenly tell by kids that i banged their aunt katie in a weird threesome
She got the hiccups while deep throating me. It was epic. Once in a lifetime experience.
I just had to take my laptop away from him because he was on Amazon and had 20 Seahawks garden gnomes in his cart.
We kind of broke a table making out. So yes, I'd say it was successful.
The original plan involved fireworks and a lot more dildos but the new one is still okay.
He sent me a slow motion video of him jerking off...it was so long (the video not his dick) even I felt awkward watching it alone
It was all good until his cat started licking my nipple along with him
I love waking up to reeses ice cream. But I DONT love waking up to it all over my cat. I blame you.
Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she cant stop having the shits.
Randomize
