The jonas brothers playing in your laptop. This is why guys won't sleep with you...
im pretty sure i just dented her unborn child.
an unopened bag of salt and vinegar chips... probably the best thing I've ever found in my room while high.
Ive been sitting around naked watching magic on youtube.
I swear it's like I have a jerk off quota I have to meet each week. If I miss three days I have a wet dream and it's like a wasted jizz, and it gets everywhereeeeeee.
How creepy of a mustache can you grow by wednesday night?
She's more of a "I'm gonna get herpes no matter how great her face looks like" pretty
Sorry I kept grabbing your vagina at the casino. I believed it was my lucky unicorn to win bonuses
shit went down at the bar when this girl with 'morals' totally cock blocked a married guy. she actually kicked IN the bathroom door when they were fucking in there. then we all did shots.
Drinking heavily at 3pm and about to rescue a 30lb street turtle. Dont even bother attempting to rise to this level bitch
Until they make a bed that bathes you in your sleep, I will not be satisfied.
I AM HANGING OUT WITH ADORABLE DOGS SURROUNDED BY NATURE. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND ALSO BYE CIVILIZATION AND PANTS.
Are you at a park?
well some coke just fell out of my nose in my partners meeting so i'd say my day's off to a fantastic start
well i maturbated this morning, which means the best part of my day has already happened.
If me saying "come f***k me now" is talking, then yes.
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