kristin has been a bad kristin
he was on top of me and all of a sudden stopped and starting picking his nose...i asked him if he was okay, he sort of looked confused, and he told me he had a booger that hurt. guess its a good thing i wasnt planning on dating this guy
but then i turned into a human whiteboard because i thought it was a good idea to bring out markers
Woke up to the sound of my own moans coming from the tv....evidently it was videotaped.
Yeah, I think they knew. I smelled like that telltale combination of strippers and Easter.
We're gonna have the chick that teaches kindergarteners to fold origami roll the joints.
I wish they made people sized litter boxes.
Your first words after putting out the flames, "how am I supposed to eat girls out with my top lip burned off??"
Yeah no more flaming everclear shots.
Look, I'm just saying... paying ur respects to the neighbors who had a death in the family with food u steal from the neighbors having the cookout may result in a negative karma situation.
I literally was just rolling on the ground and said to her 'this is what dying looks like'
I vaguely remember seeing that couple making out in front of that store and i yelled "I ALSO LOVE THE ROCKY MOUNTAIN SOAP COMPANY!"
We looked in every room for condoms... It was the sexiest scavenger hunt ever.
I'm resourceful. I forgot we don't have coca cola so now I'm drinking Jack & Dew or Mountain Daniels. Also, I haven't decided on an official name yet for this drink. I'm leaning toward Jack & Dew
Dude I swear I'm scooping human shit out of the litter boxes. What the fuck happened last night?
I just showed this kid my nipples to work my shift tmw
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