btw, her name was actually Alixx. in retrospect, it was pretty much a gimme
he thinks im joking when i say don't visit. i mean it's summer...he was the college fuck and now it's time for the summer fuck
The best part of listening to lady gaga while high is that any word your brain puts in is right.
You will not judge me for my made-up holiday of wine appreciation day
I dont care if your mom convinced you it should be an abstinent christmas. I did horribly on finals and i'm out of booze, so you will get over her and FUCK. ME. NOW.
Just found the cutest bag of coke under my bed. I'm going to get fucked up and bleach the cat vomit out of my sheets.
Plus I'm pretty sure you said "love you" on the phone, so technically I should be putting you on some type of probation
Only I could host a baby shower where the cops get called.
Just puked in my hallway. Good start to a great night
I was sleeping pretty good until your cat pooped loudly. I dreamed that a full grown man was pooping on my ear. It startled me.
The only math I use in every day life is figuring out how much I can spend on alcohol and still have money to pay my bills. High school lied to us.
I just realized I haven't got laid since the last time the Browns won.
This morning i put band aids over my nipples bc i was too lazy to put on a bra. Think I've reached a new low.
Wait, there's no way I said I would suck his dick. I know drunk Katie.
No, you told him to suck YOUR dick.
See now that sounds like drunk Katie.
Did I tell you I drunk fucked my one roommate last week
Uh no
Randomize
