it sucked. he totally couldn't get it up. blamed it on never having cheated b4. Couldn't stop laughing. fuck.
Did you know Kal Penn works at the white house? That's almost white castle.
you made cement angels. it was a great sight.
I think thats the most anyones ever pregamed for rollerskating
my car smells like vomit and bananas. this can't really be my life.
Seriously... Things should be way more awkward... The entire female half of the bridal party INCLUDING THE BRIDE blew me in high school....
I would literally rather jam a rusty rail road spike into my cock than be here right now. The whore showed up and now I might smash my iPhone into my face repeatedly until I'm no longer consisting of any sort of life.
If I get laid, we are framing that mattress and hanging it on the wall as the place we both lost our virginities.
why is my forehead so bruised?
i found you outside knocking on the door with your head because you couldn't lift your arms.
I thought if I bought the most expensive pregnancy test I would look like I had my life together
All I want is a wedding with a dress and a veil and where I can go and my cat can go.
I just don't know how to say "I want to have sex you with before you graduate" in a classy way
There was a woman who drank mouth wash to get drunk during her supposed detox...this is def the internship for me!
You make me want to do things that I'm pretty sure are illegal.
Going to the eye doctors drunk makes you feel like your doing a sobriety test! They have to know..
Randomize
