the snow is so cold on my vagina.
why do you have snow on your vagina?
vodka and heels.
officially spring now- first drug bust of the season across the street.
someone just puked in the library. they put up caution tape. i totally underestimated finals week.
A slipped finger up the butt isn't the end of the world
look what he's done to me, i actually want to be a stripper now.
I'm standing in the shower drinking with the light off and a candle lit, listening to Amy Winehouse. Be proud.
then she kicked a hole in her own door and the next thing you know, brian's walking up to her room with power tools. in no condition to use them
I will always remember today as the day I narrowly escaped having to touch a tiny penis
I mean I feel like if you explain to the emoji app company that your friend got plastered and fell to the ground and is trying to scheme her way back to normal life and get her dignity back they would understand just how necessary it is to have a fingers crossed emoji...
arnt you supposed to become a mature adult when you move out of your parents house?
Moving out doesnt mean I'm mature, it means I can make pancakes and bacon at 3 in the morning and no one can judge me.
I think we've gotten passed awkward... the day I woke up at the palms and ur getting eaten out by the dude who just fucked me on the balcony.
I felt I lost my designated buddy on a field trip when you wandered off to get high with strangers.
Stole my 7th stop sign and 3rd speed limit sign last night. Not even sure how because they were bolted to a cement wall. Tequila gives you strength you didn't know you had.
And I woke up by myself with peanut butter.. Cool
I think this Canadian beach volleyball player might be my soulmate. We could check each other's shoulders for melanoma.
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