Small Doughy Asian men and sleeveless hoodies with nothing underneath do not mix well.
Sounds like the climatic scene of my favorite erotic novel.
just smoked a blunt while listening to nsync. i now know what my childhood was missing.
My uncles bleeding, my brother has a black eye and my moms topless in the pool... How was your family cookout?
I turn the corner to find her walking in the front door in a tee-shirt, two different shoes and no pants. All she said to me was "I'm sad"
Right now I can't do anything that will ban me from donating plasma. That is a legit source of income for me.
Omg he's telling my parents stories about him doing jaagerbombs ... Lord help me
It was honestly the most delicious alcohol I've ever drank, plus the added risk of going blind from methanol poisoning really enhanced the experience.
just found out i can blow out the flame on the grill lighter fill my mouth with butane and ignite a fireball
you were passed out so I asked you what my name was and you opened your eyes and yelled "ricotta cheese"
no way
that's when i decided you were gonna be okay
This is gonna be a long day for my vagina and I
Today in French class my teacher was singing "what does the fox say" so i started answering in similar satanic ritual noises
That was a very uncomfortable conversation to have without pants on. But his mom was pretty cool about it.
I think you just described to us the most perfect drunken fairy tale that has somehow never been written
this is a save-me-from-tijuana-tequila-and-hoookers booty call. if i don't hear from you by 8pm i'm grabbing my passport
if i'm not back tomorrow call the embassy
I know he’s married, but he’s still a guy with balls and a dick. He noticed my cleavage and stared at my ass. He’ll call.
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