Hey you
You're the only one I'll text back during sex. what's up?
I can't get out of the parking garage so now I'm staying downtown....Typical
Pretty sure my dad just walked in on me jerking off watching guys on webcam. Remember how I used to say "most awkward day of my life?" I'm retiring that phrase.
Asian chick on skype stripping for me. Hold on give few min
Puked in a cab. Passed out on my floor an my mom put a blanket over me. Home by 1045. I won shitshow trophy last night.
so many types of cookies right now. i'm eating four kinds of cookies that i've made into larger cookie sandwiches. too high. whoa.
just witnessed some guy trade his friend $5 and a condom for his keys.
i think this is the gayest thing you've ever shown me. and i'm pretty sure you've sent me pictures of a dude sticking his dick in a horse's nose.
As an added bonus, you will have a "25 blowjobs a month" voucher, expiring thirty days after the first initial bj.
You remember that guy i fucked in Ireland who stopped in the middle to talk about why he had 8 pillows on his bed? Yeah he's following me on twitter...
Also, what is a socially acceptable way to introduce a crossbow in public?
No. Mother. Fucking. Jello shots. Just no. I'm not falling into that trap again.
She called to say her plane was running late and i had 30minutes to get to the airport for bathroom sex
I mean it was fine and all but I just don't understand why a man would need all that Simon Cowell paraphanelia
I was just hotboxing under my sheets and I got lost on the way out.
It was so scary.
Randomize
