weak ass sauce last night. waste of time. you suck. ps. your boobs are fake
You screamed, "I am going to fuck this cheeseburger". They all started laughing until you actually started having sex with the cheeseburger.
i'm writing my speech about my 4th grade backstreet boy concert experience. that sums up how seriously i take my life.
He was singing Will Smith Just the Two of Us to his burrito. That high.
I can't even use my hands i'm so hungover
It wasn't random sex though, it was almost a relationship, built on lies and sex
So was it you or me who decided it was a good idea to inscribe fuck you on the counter?
That was me. Just a 'welcome to our home' kinda thing.
I threw up in the bar parking lot and yelled THIS IS MY FUTURE.
It's probably because the lack of alcohol in your stomach. Alcohol kills bacteria. I am a doctor. Trust me
He just said his penis sings like Mariah Carey...Im going with drunken.
Would you go as one half of Harry and Lloyd in Tuxes to Aaron's wedding?
All I've done is masturbate and drink while being home from college.
I need to stop agreeing to hang out with people when I'm drunk.
I shit like a lady though so that rarely happens
Update: tequila girl had her hand down groomsmen pants
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