just took a shot of grandma at the fucking bowling alley... this is going to be interesting
Watching NYC prep. Doing a shot everytime one of these d-bags flips his hair. I give it 10 minutes before alcohol poisoning set in.
I told her at least we still had each other. That's when she started crying.
he clicked a button a stirrups came down from the ceiling... if I don't come home by sunday, report me.
Woke up in a different state, wearing only a bk crown. My boxers are in a tree and I think I went to the hospital last night.....
I told you not to do acid with the girl who works the late shift at 7-11
Sometimes I think that I have too much self esteem
Then I realize that I'm just really fucking pretty.
We ate a mysterious delivered pizza which no one ordered and then the wii wouldn't work so 20 of us watched porn on two laptops. Drunk took the awkward away.
all time personal low: room service guy going "You want french fries AND onion rings???"
That boy needs some memories to take back home with him
I also tried to solve my dog's itching problem with crystal healing. I'm so high, dude.
I just rubbed amethyst all over him and kept saying 'no bites.'
My little brother found me on Instagram. If I'm not already the shame of my family, I'm about to be.
No judgement. Sometimes you gotta twerk on a legends face.
I'm not sure why, but my salad smells like a Big Mac. Or maybe that's just the smell of yesterday's, seeping through my skin.
I lost a fight last night. By that I mean I head butt the bar and busted my lip open.
I emptied a Vyvance capsule into my coffee pot last night and set the auto start. Pretty sure I've been drinking meth all morning
Randomize
