He toold me that when we were younger I was his boner buddy.
he told me he had a problem with me going both ways. like what the fuck. what guy says that to a girl? goodbye planned threesomes...
Nice. I ate a jello shot out of a bovine blow up doll's love hole last night
He wears a hat. All the time. Even during sex. And I'm okay with that.
Laying on my kitchen floor and the lights just got brighter... I just died or there was a power surge. Based on the amount of booze I drink both are possible.
That penis will go down in history. It's the Helen of Troy of dicks. I will conquer it and the tale will live on for future generations to learn from
Come get her ASAP. She's "people bowling," which is just her rolling into random groups of people. People look pissed.
Im currently watching two girls making out. In the library. Hope your studying is going as good as mine is. Haha
I woke up half naked on the floor next to his bed, and his cat was staring at me like it had seen everything that i myself don't remember..
My underwear are in the stairs so apparently I did take the dog out.
I made out with a guy dressed as the pdx airport carpet.
Portlandia didn't prepare you for that?
I went to a party last night....I stole all of their ornaments and the toaster oven.
Drunk text the hot guy two doors down confessing my love for him.... He gave me a thank you card today.
I promised her before I left that I'd make good choices and then got drunk and fucked my best friend and her boyfriend.
You think my vibrator will be okay in the dishwasher?
Randomize
