oddly enough my penis is pretty tan. the part of my body that gets the least amount of sunlight is tanner than most of the rest of my body.
I think its part of male evolution. Pretty soon they'll have diamonds on them and taste like chocolate.
I wish you wouldn't refer to your breast milk as "ammunition"
my roommate and her friend got reaallllly high last night and it looks like they played scrabble. one of their words is "nippal"
i took my goldfish out of his bowl last night and put him in my bed
You know what sound is wonderful for a hangover? Listening to the horns from the South Africans at the world cup
He did plead exhaustion. And I made him push through it. I am like the motherfucking badass football coach of sex.
Just remember my house smells of thick cut bacon and I have a big dick.
She is so graceful and lady-like, like a swan... On meth
She's 90% sass and 10% boobs
ill be home in an hour. Be in my bed ready for disappointment
I think he bit my vagina. Who does that?
When you make me feel sane and well-adjusted, it is time to reevaluate your night out habits. Just sayin'.
Can I just go to one establishment in which I haven't banged anyone ?
I'm going to the store to get corona, salad, and blunt wraps...
had to remind myself that killing him is not a good career move AGAIN.
Randomize
