I lost my shoes and bra and was beyond mapquesting
My feet smell like cheese. Makes me hungry.
i think ur clone was at the club last week. she slapped some tall girl in the face who tried to steal her spot on the podium. i dont know if ur like her, but she seemd like a ninja badass with superpowers
I mean, he was my book buddy in 1st grade. The kid taught me how to read, the least I could do was give him head.
whoever threw up in my shampooo bottle is totally getting defriended on facebook.
i tried to stop you. you just kept saying your split ends needed punishment.
I woke up with my left arm looking like it got mauled by a lion. Oo and she said someone broke her car window.
Just realized these events may be related.
just explained the breakup in detail to my big toes. that consolation brownie was Amazing.
His band may suck, but it's not like I'm sleeping with all of them.
Thank you as well. My penis is starting a slow-clap right now.
You know what's soul crushing? Walking to subway and find out you were too drunk to put on shoes and being denied service.
Um. I literally have no words.
I think my Halloween costume this year will be made entirely of pillows and I'll be Marshmellow girl or Kirby. That way I'm comfortable, warm, and if I fall over drunk I'm safe.
I just drove my booty call to his booty call, if that isn't spreading the love, I don't know what is.
this isn't the first time i woke up with peanut butter in my butt
I still hate everything and everyone around me. Krampus taught me nothing.
He broke through his window then signed his name on the biggest peice of glass from it. I think they framed it and named it 'best party ever'
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