He didnt have condoms & didnt trust himself to pull out. Thats when I knew he was a keeper. So I blew him so he knew I was a keeper too.
True romance of the 21st century.
Life's too short to consider the larger psychological underpinnings of my lust.
So yeah she lost her virginity in a wheel chair with a broken pelvis. I'm still trying to figure out how I should feel about that.
fun fact: in my eskimo family tree i am the only brunette
We're like Siamese twins, but joined at the genitals.
Not sure I just ate a really big pot brownie, I feel like my future is uncertain
When I see myself in tank tops and push up bras I seriously wonder why I'm not President.
He walked straight into the wall, said "excuse me ma'am" and continued back to his dorm room.
A drank guy in the ER just sang Trouble to me and when he sang 'Lying on the cold hard ground' he threw himself onto the ground and landed on the wrist he'd just broken. Thirsty Thursday is weird already and it's not even 5.
I just want to eat and sleep til I'm dead. I should've been born a cat.
Aren't you proud to know somebody who texts you "manifold facade" while dumping frozen colada mix into a blender of rum
I thought I was bad, the girl next to me on the bench was feeding a bush a hamburger and introduced me. Only at lollapalooza.
You declared that afternoon sex will be referred to as "wet naps" from now on
He stood next to me peeing as I was puking behind a car in the parking lot, telling me how much he loved me. On the other hand, he loves me!
I just left a 3 minute voicemail to the guy I want to fuck baby talking my cats and I don't know if I can delete it 😐
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