My wife says its no good to have oral sex during pregnancy. So i guess pregnancy is like regular life.
maybe touching the ground while going 70 wasn't such a great idea after all..
I just want to make him a cookie cake that says "you have no chance with me."
after we had sex last night he told me he smelled like my vagina. and then he said that if his roommate had a vagina he would probably smell like it. because "they hug weird and shit."
we found you in the kitchen at five am trying to make a vodka omelette. you said you didn't want to live in a world where your two favourite things couldn't be together.
He got a slutty, ugly mother of a 7 year old, and I got a dog that only sleeps and shits on clean clothes. No one won in this break up.
I have this terrible fear I might accidentally text a pic of my dick to my grandma
I won't trust your judgement until the word stripper doesn't make me laugh
I just used bulldog clips for nipple clamps. Also, a wooden spoon as a paddle. DYI Domination or Ghetto Bondage?
I added a U.S. Senator on snapchat....casual.
The only time we had a decent conversation was when he was on acid, and, like, that's not a great start to a relationship.
WHO GIVES HANDJOBS AT 8 IN THE FUCKING MORNING
would it be okay if I showed up at your house naked? and is your door unlocked?
Sooooo drunk. We had the best sex ever and after he looked at me and said "That's whats up". I looked at him weird and he said "Young Jeezy would say it" and passed out on me naked. I think i might be in love
This night could easily degenerate into a drunken haze of strippers and gambling, but I need a support network.
Randomize
