im never drinking mad dog again and i have your belt.
White boys cant dance....we did an empirical study
i was trying to find the best way to say come over and have sex, without saying it.
best. trip. ever. this is going to be too much fun. petland isnt going to know what hit them.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Trying to take a shit right now to the beat of the fuckin drumcircle outside... It's not goin well
That little tingle vodka gives me in my esphagus is what lets me know I'm still alive.
Why would I send you a picture of it when I could just steal the gnome and put it in your bed with you? Admit it, he looks just like gnomeo!
I puked on myself in front of a customer. all. over. myself. thanks Saturday nights
When did our fuck buddy relationship, turn into me babysitting his dog?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
don't worry i won't let him get attached. I put on my Hulk onesie after sex and yelled I SMASHED YOU. never seen a guy looked so confused.
Nothing like having your house arrest ankle bracelet vibrate and take a moisture sample at the exact moment you're about to blow it in some chick...buzzkill
Never thought going to McDonald's alone at 3 AM would end with a blowjob outside some random girl's apartment...
making my breakfast out of the pot brownies we made last night. Safe to say it's time to go grocery shopping.
You kept screaming, "Fuck her right in the personality" and then kissed a guy and slapped him across the face
Sustenance and doggy style.. the only two things I need
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