that girl last night was a 15
wait she was 15?
no like black jack not sure if you should hit it
did you ever find your cell phone? and your dignity?
I threw up under water while wearing a hockey helmet last night. Awesome.
So im going to watch Hocus Pocus in my footie pajamas... How am I in college?
I'm wayyy too drunk to be in a parade right now
If you don't sing me a lullaby then I'll just take shots till I pass out
I agreed not to hook up with any randoms while she's on vacation, if that isn't a show of good faith then I don't know what is...
And as the acid sets in, he looks back at the shallow form he used to call his and whispers "3 pee pees strong"
I just swallowed confetti and motor-boated some guys beard...#happy2015
8 stitches. Next time I decide to twerk while doing a keg stand, stop me.
He used his penis as a drumstick on my back and had me guess what song he was playing.
oh, i solved that problem. i told him i wanted to steal my roommate's nephew. radio silence. haven't heard from him since.
HELL YEAH TIME TO KICK THE CHILDREN
Can I just go naked and covered in glitter?
You asked me if I ever met a talking rock and when I said no, you looked me dead in the eye and said today was my lucky day then you crawled into a ball and started talking...that high.
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