I've officially put my junk in foods from 5 of the 6 layers of the nutrition pyramid
I probably should have cut it off when he started putting queso on my nipples, but within ten minutes I was a self-serve burrito bar.
and all i could think about was how mcdonalds would not be open anymore after we were done having sex
we were canoeing in the lake and i asked if he was too drunk for this, and he said "don't worry about it, i'm half native american"
He upper decked the toilet, got himself lit on fire 6 times and lit 4 other people on fire in the course of 3 days.
How can he have such a manly penis and baby hands?!
It just goes to show you, your dreams can come true. You can hook up with your dads hot married friend.
I was lying there too hungover to move when my dog jumped onto my bed and set half a calzone on my pillow. Best. Dog. Ever.
You broke the end off a wine bottle, ran outside and screamed "FOR NARNIA!!"
apparently my new 420 ritual is to look at the clock at 4:20 and realize i'm already too high
Please don't judge me for my hormonal purchase, judge me for my awesome rack.
I will forever remember this as The Great Jalepeno Cock Burn of 2014.
You know the bunny onesie you sent me? Happy Halloween, I just did the hop of shame.
so my dads pretending to use the snow blower and theres absolutley no snow one the ground.... someone should really lock our liqour cabinet
were you aware we were supposed to be taking care of her hamster this weekend?
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