we have to go try and show our tits so we can get ID-free drinks at applebees
Is making out on a toilet while he is sitting down and pissing weird? cause that's what happened last night
I'm fucking him on the second date. I don't give a fuck what Patti Stanger says.
He has 250 profile pictures. Of course he was a douchebag
As I was leaving the drunk tank the cop told me he had a feeling we would be meeting again real soon.
I mean he's a cool ass guy, but he's genuinely in love with a fat chick. I just can't take him seriously as a person.
He brought me bullshit flowers and a bullshit apology. Even shrek did more than that for Fiona. And he's an ogre. Does this not say anything about him?
Lab coat again saves the day - hiding embarrassing shart evidence...
For my birthday I want you to get me in bed with Donald Trump. That is all. You have 3 months
Not gonna make it. My ovaries are playing laser tag
I gave a very stressed out cashier a mini bottle from my purse the day after Christmas. It's what Jesus would have done.
You're a good person. Sharing is caring.
Ok fine, yes she's pregnant. But you're ignoring the most important part. HER BOOBS GOT BIGGER. That doesn't happen every day, and I owe it to myself to enjoy those boobs before the belly catches up to them!
It's 2016 and I am a strong independent woman who just wants someone not weird to touch my butt, dammit
Someone broke into my car last night. Didn't take anything, even left the beer in my backseat. They need to get their priorities straight, obviously.
Since when do my one night stands start sending you friend requests?
Randomize
