He's gotten way too comfortable around me. He came into the bathroom and took a shit while I was in the shower.
i just lost my virginity over my 3 hour lunch break..
u hav a 3 hour lunch break?!
i like how the length of my lunch break is the thing that phases u
and i had to drink on "never have i ever unsuccessfully tried to seduce a virgin ginger"
when "blow-job jen" drunk dials you at 3 in the morning, you answer
You said "i miss him" not "i miss his dick." You're getting emotionally attatched. Shame.
we weren't quite sure what was on that mirror, so we snorted it and hoped for the best
Considering the fact that you wouldn't give me my cat last night because he was "destined for broadway", yeah, I'm accusing you of stealing him
Just got my first unemployment direct deposit!!!' celebrating at the beach
Me toooooo!! Margaritas
I never knew being a drain on a functioning society would feel so good
I should start an etsy shop with all the jewelry and clothes women leave at my house
I don't think you understand. Its the best fauxhawk you've ever seen. I look like a gay dinosaur.
That's the most beautiful thing I've ever heard. Can I call you littlefoot?
But mostly the blowjob in the airport bathroom was what I was laughing at.
He has a lot of emotional energy invested in your vagina.
I'M SO LONELY THAT I TEXTED THE FRESHMAN
Just got a ride from a stranger while walking a mile home as it hailed with no coat. He asked me if I smoked, then said he just made some potent cookies and I could have one.
The cookie was what I originally wanted to tell you. Always say yes to drugs from strangers
My loniness meter has reached its peak. I just played shadow puppets using my Big Mac on the wall with my cats
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