just won a stolen shopping cart in a dance off in a parking lot.
found a strand of your hair in my car. it's 1 ft 7 inches long
wtf you measured my hair?
No. I was horrified and confused as to why you thought scrambled eggs and cottage cheese was a good mix
he asked me to help him wrap his girlfriends birthday presents. Dont worry we fucked right after.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Our professor just said "No class today, go get stoned." A guy seriously walked over and hugged him.
okay so i know you are missing your wallet but at least its not your tooth. i am missing my tooth.
I have acquired 14 pictures of hard dicks tonight... I was on a mission. Don't even pretend you aren't proud.
Think about if the incredible hulk and king kong had a retarded baby. That's the sound she made in my ear the entire time I fucked her.
All she kept whispering was put your pickle in my mouth. Then she fell out of her barstool and chipped her tooth
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My pubic hair is shaved into the shape of mistletoe.
I hope that's a joke and if not I need a snap of it
THIS IS A TERRIBLE REWARD FOR NOT GETTING PREGNANT.
I lost my favorite bra in his hotel room. Is it bad that that's the only reason I hope he texts me tomorrow?
All of my friends are hooking up and here I am, the lone asexual, looking for someone to eat these tostitos with me.
DO NOT LET HIM TAKE CONTROL OVER YOUR BOWELS
my mom tells me this morning that i was blasting teach me how to dougie at 2 am last night and refused to leave her room until she dougied with me
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