He really likes Obama...and Bill Clinton too. He said "I mean, how many presidents can say that they got head in the oval office?"
Soulmates.
We're friends with people in his circle of friends so we're half way in. It's like I've already given him a hand job.
Beer coozy in the gym. Don't judge me.
drinking from the bathtub cause I'm too lazy to walk downstairs and too thirsty to care
He brought her home and fucked her in a gingerbread man costume in a cardboard rapunzel castle. He had a pretty good night.
No, this place just freaks me out. Like I feel like ill get pregnant just being here. And all those pregnant bellies. It's weird.
You decided it was too difficult to walk down the stairs so you just rolled across his kitchen floor laughing like a maniac and trying to drink at the same time
But I'll just tell people it was a bar fight... Sounds a lot better than "well I was drunk and alone and eating Special K naked in my bed"
It's something I can't competently describe without making sex sounds.
He whispered "Are you feeling it now Mr. Krabs?" when he was inside me. That is NOT my fetish.
Well, let's just say, I got that eye patch like we were joking about
It's like all the guys I keep around if I wanna have sex with all got mad at the same time. I guess I'll get out my vibrator again.
Just found out the last guy I hooked up with is being held in a federal prison under suspicion of stealing 175k.
Shit happens dude.
Shit doesn't just HAPPEN on the kitchen floor you asshole.
Fuck. Totally just had sex instead of studying for econ test in an hour. Gonna get fucked again. HELP ME WITH YOUR EXTENSIVE KNOWLEDGE OF ECON
Randomize
