We stole some shitttt from king sooper's. fuck yeaaa
what did you steal
frozen pizza, cat litter, and preperation H. not much different than my usual grocery list.
My 11 year old cousin is wearing a Jane Austen fan club t shirt. I'm trying not to tear into her, but I'm five coronas deep and losing control.
I'm like a wolly mammoth down there. what do I tell him?
I managed to convince him it was his fault I cheated on him...he spent the last 40 minutes going down on me. I feel legendary.
That's science, my friend. Boner science.
I rarely go in there. Unless it's for mini cadbury eggs and whiskey.
Well it's 2pm. Time for another game of "Who, What, Where". The game where you try to guess who this girl is, what happened last night, and where'd your shit go. I'm going for 1/3 today.
That's better than I've done so far.
Did you shave a certain someone in his sleep last night?
I'm sitting outside your room listening for sex noises eating pepperoni...slowly
wearing my old cheerleader outfit to the bar was a great way to get free drinks. i should do this more often
He says we're "annoying" but that's an odd word to describe a couple of heroic liquor saiyans
He ate me out while Space Jam was on. My life is complete.
I told him to send me a dick snap for my birthday. To personalize it, he drew a candle coming out of the tip of it so I could blow it out.
My walk of shame is starting to become positively reinforcing; I stop by Starbucks and when I leave I look someone just heading to work.
i really love you but i feel kinda dumb about it
Randomize
