I was thinking about texting her and telling her I had syphilis when I was with her and that she should get tested. just for shits and giggles. skank dahaha
you used to get mad at me for mentioning 'unprotected sex' and happenings in my bed
well yeah, but then i realized the wisdom of your ways.
so i told him i have my period and he put his head by my vagina and said "I HATE YOU!"
I'm on a cruise to the Bahamas and this text message is gunna cost me $10 but I need you to pray on my behalf for the things I'm about to do these 2 girls and what I did last night to a 35 year old mother of 3.
He came in, laid on our floor and started to make a snow angel.. On the floor. Then he just left never said a word. 20 mins later walked back in and dropped his pants, looked down and said "wow im happy i had boxers on."
The dentist told me I have super glue on my teeth. I'm not blaming you I just want to know how that happened
Why were you having sex on top of my left over pizza in the kitchen?
it's official, after last weekend my girl number is higher than my guy number. fix this.
And there are taco shells on the ceiling fan
Is it hot in here? Is the room moving? Its moving. The room is moving. Its spinning like a top. Have you ever been covered in puke? What are you doing?
Best part? I know that the likelyhood of this turning into an intimate relationship is like 4.25%
Throwing up in his bed is not a step up in your relationship
I am making it a rule that only people I am comfortable around enough to not have to put a bra on are allowed for Sunday funday. I think that's a good rule for someone who started drinking alone at noon while everyone else here sipped their coffee.
Oh and yeah that does count as public urination.
I was "singing along to the Lego Movie" high. Everything was not awesome
Randomize
