My bottle opener just broke off in the cork
They don't teach how to cope w these situations in boy scouts
a/c is broke at work...just took my panties off at my desk and the janitor saw it...might have a date for later. let you know
Jon and Kate are totally playing with my emotions.
i mean i care more about their marriage then my own parents
Nailed a drunk college girl before the CU game Saturday, and a drunk married woman after the Broncos game Sunday.
Some perfection is debatable.
so he was shitfaced and kept using sticky notes to label everything like "beer spill" and "going to fuck later"
he just tried to lick my eyebrow. thats the deal breaker.
Do you know how hard it is to conceal the fact that you puked all over the bed that someone is sleeping in?
Its the little things i like about bein home like having actual toilet paper instead of subway napkins
apparently drunk me likes to play hide the puke.. was not a fun time washing all my legos.
Also I feel like 60% of our relationship is based on sausage mcmuffins.
What is a reasonable amount of condoms to keep in my condom wallet without it being creepy that I have too many?
I threw up in a pringles can. how do you think my night went.
Note to self don't stop having sex during an earthquake! I call it a 6.1 orgasm!
I said, hypothetically speaking, if I was going to be having some rough sex Friday night, when WOULD be the best time for a massage, mother dear?
Why are you barefoot at a strip club?
Randomize
