We traveled between two mile markers in 18 seconds. Do the math.
and I asked her"are you allergic to condoms latex like your older sister " she said "Idk this is gonna be my 1time"
im at a loss of words.... a stripper is dancing to a Justin Bieber song.
My mother walked into the bathroom at 345 am while I was splashing in the bathtub with the remnants of her birthday cake all over me... she looked at me and walked out...
New level of stoned. My Terry's Chocolate Orange didn't 'whack-and-unwrap' so I ate it like an apple.
Chang gave me a 1.5 gallon beer tasting cup, i have a new boyfriend with a huge stick, Members of the Irish Rugby team slapped my ass and cheered for firmness, and a couple of strangers are naming the child after me. Best. Weekend.Ever.
Yeah play it cool maybe put in a kissy face though let him know you're giving an invitation for his dick
The dominoes guy came back thirty mins later to ask me out. I guess he figures if I'm eating pizza alone I must have gotten dumped
WHERE THE FUCK'S MY FUCKING RITALIN YOU FUCKING FASCIST?????
dude, i just found out morgan freeman loves weed. all my moms arguments are now irrelevant
Moms love me. I'm the reminder that they need to turn safe search on.
I'VE LOST MY DIGNITY, MY PRIDE, AND EVEN MY BOOTY CALL. HAPPY THANKSGIVING.
You walked around in your costume going up to every guy saying "I'm a squirrel, give me your nuts"
Some Romanian guy at work just told me "you come my house, we drink beer and you come make fuck with my sister"
If he's not there watching you go for it. It's been a while bro.
All of a sudden he got that look on his face and ran to the dance floor and started fist pumping to Rihanna that kind of night
Randomize
