Gentlemen...shes not going to tie her self to the table...
cant help it. i get a boner every time that shake weight infomercial comes on
So the bartender just told me that there was numerous people who saw me having sex on the rooftop last weekend. +1
Your philanthropic work just got me laid, thanks dad for naming me #2.
I feel like I've wasted too many painkillers on hangovers
Hey we need to step our game up. Dad has us beat; he stole a vending machine once.
We hit a golf ball off Brady's ass. His dignity flew away into the night.
I just want you and your enormous dick to be my fucking rebound so we can move on with our lives
Don't worry, the house smells like waffles more than sex
I DON'T EVEN KNOW ONE MINUTE IM SITTING HER THE NEXT IM FLYING PASSED THE MOON
PISSING MYSELF IN ZERO GRAVITY
THOSE AIN'T STARS U SEE TONIGHT GURL
It's Saturday night and I'm getting shitfaced alone while reading Dino porn. Wassssuuuupppp
Could you just like have a friend who feels bad for me and secretly always wanted to have sex with me
I'm handling the NHL draft worse than getting dumped this week
Walk of shame through Chipotle? Check.
He fucked me so hard my contacts fell out! Didnt know that was possible.
Randomize
