I need to just get drunk and eat a pot pie.
Btw the nut in my hair goes great with my outfit !!! :(
It's so hard to take my boss as an authorative figure with her New Moon movie tickets taped to her wall
Jerking off has been your answer to everything tonight.
Just sold a bike on craig's list for 4 four lokos and a 40. How bad do you miss college?
Beware of calls from Dad. I just had a longer than I would care to admit convo about the ididarod. Apparently it starts tomorrow.
Thank God I did Vegas bombs with those cops at their Christmas party. We should so be in jail.
do you remember yelling at the waitress that you were a power bottom?
That's not your dick yours is smaller. Nice try.
Wait why do you have a pic of someone else's dick in your phone?
Do u have any idea how hard it is to masturbate in a CVS bathroom when your name is being called over the speakers to pick up a prescription for painkillers?
Buying a new bed right now. My options are limited because I need to be able to be tied to it.
If I die write a nice eulogy and bury me with my star wars bobbleheads
Just come home. We will have sex and Taco Bell. I'm feeling wild, I put on temporary tattoos.
So if he doesn't show up do we eat his birthday cake? Because I'm stoned and wrestling is on. What's the proper protocol
Jack said he hasn't jerked off in like two weeks and he's like a smoldering volcano who wants to bury you like Pompeii with his man gravy
Randomize
