# days @ Coachella: 1 people i showed how to break it down: 279
Hey you
You're the only one I'll text back during sex. what's up?
I least I know I can't get pregnant because it's on my hair
I want a gay best friend. or apple sauce either one is fine with me
I pretty much gave up on you when you told me you couldn't go home yet b/c you had to stop at church first. It was 2 AM and you insisted you were late for mass.
the fact that you could barely do more than slur incoherent sentences didn't stop you from correcting her grammar
I just drank til 6am then boned a 32 yr old that looks exactly like ET. Oh god.
sorry bout that man. went out to pay the pizza boy, ended up hooking up with some random drunk girl that thought i was someone else
SOS. HE HAS PASSED OUT AND IS LYING ON TOP OF ME. HE IS STILL INSIDE. HELP
You'll have to pretend I'm texting you with buddychecks.
Like the Jimeny Cricket of cockblocks.
Well THAT'S the last time I buy beer and baby wipes in the same Walmart run ... just wanted to shout I USE THEM TO REMOVE MY MAKEUP, YOU ASSHOLES
How's dating the med student working out for you?
After we had sex last night he showed me where my spleen was.
A true anatomy project.
He just made my one night stand pancakes for breakfast. And I thought living with my ex was going to be weird.
I discovered a new stretch mark. DONE. LITERALLY DONE.
I don't have the resources to adequately explain this. I need like a Powerpoint presentation and also Vodka.
Randomize
