Yea, forget your mom. She will be home after her one night stand.
I just came out of my doctor's office and i look into the window and i see a guy sitting in the front seat getting head.
why are you so shocked? you live in brooklyn.
I either just heard my neighbors having sex or she really agreed with whatever he was talking about.
I just realized that i have never seen about 30 percent of my friends sober before
I just made what I can safely estimate to be a 900 calorie pb&j. Fuck a serving size.
I making dinner, so you might want to actually come home tonight.
oh, you finally did the dishes then?
No, bought new ones.
Steve called. He needs me to pick him up. He also asked for a set of his clothes, he can't find them. He is such a strong motivation to stay sober.
We get an extra hour of sleep. That means we can take an extra shot tonight. Sound logic. Thank you daylight savings.
Chicks, chicks everywhere, and not a drop to drink. Dude, when did real life lesbians get HOT?
I just traded 5 cigarettes for a sandwich on they greyhound.You owe me 5 cigarettes. I told you I would get hungry.
Noted. Next time you want to get fried chicken and cocaine.
Ok. That just sounds baller.
I JUST FARTED SO LOUD AND HARD I IMMEDIATELY TASTED IT
tell raye i said hi and sorry for bleeding on the limes
You were just laying there on the air mattress watching spongebob with a knife. We tried to take it from you, but you insisted it was your emergency escape in case you started to float off.
She was gone when I unblacked out, but she had nailed her panties to the wall and wrote “Colleen’s Dick”with a sharpie on the wall. No idea where she got a hammer and nail
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