I judge my drunkenness on my brickbreaker playing skills. I'm winning. Suck it.
please. tell me to stop eating out of the trash.
I need to remember that good judgment goes out the window after the 7th shot and the 3rd Lady GaGa song.
Oh, I'm sorry. I'd rather be "doable" than "the fat chick"
you set the microwave for an hour telling me that the done sound was your alarm.
she tried strangling devon with the garden hose. pretty sure they're broken up
I'm gonna drop in for a zip later man. It made me wanna eat my girls shampoo. Good shit
She finally pulled over after almost hitting 4 cars and a semi and asked me if i was rwady i told her to let my penis to come back out
He broke up with me because "we're at different points in our lives" I think it's because he saw a drag queen with their hand halfway down my pants
As planned I took it to the limit. Then we met a new limit. Now they are limit friends.
my new years resolution to eat more toast and mastrubate more often is going well so far.
When you're trying to sneak from the bathroom to your room with dildo, but it glows in the dark and suddenly your entire life is illuminated in the shape of dick
If you're gonna show up unannounced on hangover day, you better have coffee doughnuts and a boner
I just punched myself in the vagina to prove a point. Please pray for me.
Granted, I did not plan to spend ANY hour of the last day of 2020 sober.
Randomize
