I woke up this morning next to some guy. I was horrified, he woke up and said, "the white tiger strikes again!"
i just spent an hour trying to convince my blind date that star wars is better than star trek. help me
I don't even have to turn the heat on in my car. Just fart the whole way home.
YOU CAN RENT MIDGETS ON CRAIGS LIST
I told you not to ruin your birthday surprise!
That was the scariest sex i've ever heard....
It was the best sex i've ever had.
He doesn't fuck you and he's married, why do you keep letting him cum all over your stomach?
In the hopes he'll just put it in one day?
Hey, hey, hey, hey. This is a hurriCAN.
is it mean that i live tweeted about whether or not my roommate and her bf were having sex or were wrestling?
Can't we have real sex instead of you just thrusting the air near me?
It just wouldn't be valentines day if i didn't invite 90% of the guys i've slept with to go to the strip club with me
At this point, just throw that mattresses away. Or bronze it and display it as a testament to your shame. either is good.
Let's knock shit down like godzilla and have intense sex in the rubble
I'm high. ignore me
Also food confession I ate an entire bag of starburst jelly beans today. and a plan B. All around think I hit all my nutrients
He deserves someone who will touch his penis at 3 a.m.
I've been in town for almost 36 hrs and I haven't made out with a stranger yet - I consider THAT a record!
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