Trimmed my pubes and broke your paper shredder. Separate events.
The midget we rented got so drunk last night he got carted off in an ambulance
tfor prom could you pick me up wo bottles of champagne and a condom, please?
all i wanna do is slam about 38 beers eat a whole pizza and wake up naked in the taco bell parking lot
swears the blind dude on this train is faking. Every day he stumbles and falls into a different girl's lap and then has to grab her tits to steady himself.
I thought I hit my peak drinking in college. Just finished first day on Wall Street. College was nothing.
well, duh, but it's like you don't even want to see me masturbate with a wine bottle.
I guess I could probably fit that in between deep self reflection and teenage mutant ninja turtles
Maybe it's because I walked straight up to that shelf of vodka with a look of determination that said "I mean business".
I usually have to have a cart! If that doesn't say "I mean business" then I don't know what does
I did my patriotic duty. I woke up next to a veteran this morning.
I have a 30 pack and enough condoms to last until tomorrow morning. Have Mystery Science Theater 3000 ready. I'm on my way over.
How the fuck can he download so much porn but not know how to find the Skype app?
Do you really want to know anything about the inner machinations of a furry's mind
i feel like if we ever had babies together they would just be drunk all the time
Do I have to cook for the potluck? Can I just bring a costco size bottle of Vodka?
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