Well to be completely honest its more of a 'i wanna do things to you that your parents would not enjoy hearing about' mood
New invention idea: vibrating tampons
And i quote: "where's y'alls from comin' in with them accents?" - from a mississipi mcdonalds
So apparently when I roll on X I find 'dick ina box' not only hilarious but also sexually arousing.
she gave up head for lent, but she said sex was still fair game
i just threw up in the porta potty. i am in no condition to be guarding anyone's life rite now.
After we fucked, her eye wouldn't stopped twitching and she could only move her hand, which she used to put her number in my phone
i will replace your cream cheese. there's enough for breakfast. you are my friend. i had guests we wanted bagels so bad im sorry. i left you notes. i love you. you have enough for a bagel or two and i will get you more. you are so pretty.
I'm in class. I'm not opening a page with the words "death erection" in the link. There's people behind me lol.
She got stuck in the front door. She never told me how or why.
Just spent 15 minutes trying to save the life of a fruit fly that dive-bombed my coffee. I figured it doesn't make sense to let two souls die in this place...
I swear to god if you eat that last piece of pie while I'm gone I will never speak to you again. I'm so serious.
I wonder if go pro can customize a cock ring so I don't have to hold the camera anymore
Yeah like stabbing myself through the eye with a coffee stir and bleeding out all over the office rug
I haven't been drunk for four days and just realized I haven't taken a shit for three. This can't be healthy.
Which part?
Randomize
