Question. If Kwik Trip and Kum and Go were to merge, what would they call it? Kwik Kum or Kum Kwik?
Ate lunch. Still drunk. Keep forgetting I'm in Texas but then I look around at the people and remember.
Rode a jet ski for the first time three days after I lost my virginity. Hell of a week for my vagina.
there is a time and a place for ass-grabbing and that was not it.
For the love of God you used a 40 foot extension cord to bungee jump out the off the 2 nd floor
No worries you cant actually turn into a wine snob if you brew it in your closet....
People said that when they tried to talk to me I answered that there was a glass around my head stopping me from answering them
ps I'm eating candy off our sex sheets. gotta say the only thing better than sweet tarts is sweet tarts with a hint of sex. perfect post vday situation
I'm 25 and she is 19. She wants to practice blowjobs on me because of my stamina. Not only does the GI bill pay for me to go to school I am teaching a freshman blowjob course. I love Texas.
Happiness was finding the hidden Gatorade in the fridge
You are a magnificent human being. I love you from head to toe. This wine is DELICIOUS.
I just blocked a guy on grindr for having a little dick. See? I do have standards.
Let's make a rule now, to not smoke weed out of our trumpets. After tonight.
How did you get so drunk?
Alcohol.
Hungover at Subway, watching a business guy try to squeeze his way past my car to get into his. Bitch shouldn'ta parked over the line.
You truly are a temple of morality.
I am the night, I am justice, I am currently watching the fat biz guy pay a frat boy to back his car up for him so he can get in.
Randomize
