***** fucked a guy with one hand last night
Having your wife answer your cell was so lame. Maybe we can talk when you get your phone, your facebook account, and your balls back.
if i get killed by an online date, its your job to tell my parents that we met at church
woke up this morning with pubes superglued to my face, not my pubes
I just threw up and a whole piece of spaghetti came out of my nose. I don't even remember eating spaghetti.
You're going to have to buy me a lot of drinks before the bee suit goes on...
Dreamed I made out with a stranger after falling out of a car, let's make this happen tonight.
Hardcore start to spring break. Mike is wearing adult diapers because the only stop we are making is for gas.
We had 15 min before last call. Exact quote "let's see how drunk we can get."
You might be at the point of severe desperation when you gotta hold the two pieces of your broken vibrator together just to get off.
Ugh... The hoe gods giveth and the hoe gods taketh away.
He's going to be in the air guitar championships in june. Need I say more.
I might need to come puke in your toliet on the way home
So anyways, we returned the toilet paper and decided to use the money for taco bell and slurpees instead...
It was kind of like hidden Mickey ears, but with dicks.
Randomize
