nut hugger
I just fucked a rockette. This would have been amazing a week ago.
swear to god some girl just crawled out of the washing machine. this is intense.
why is there a handicap sign in the bathtub and an exit sign in the kitchen?
lets deal with that after we figure out where i am
She was giving you that "I really want to blow you but I have to act professional" look. Guaranteed
There was a fucking SNAKE in the urinal. WHAT THE FUCK
I'd bet your vomit would be flammable at this point. Can I try to light it?
We wouldn't be friends if you didn't.
I find it worrying that she bit me in bed. Then proceeded to write her name in bite marks. All without ever losing the rhythm of our fucking.
I'm in the middle no shirt white shorts humping the white dustbuster next to the guy shooting off the tazer infront of the two guys humping on the bicycle
All I need to do is acquire a Shrek costume.
Please don't traumatize your girlfriend too terribly. Have fun.
he stopped mid makeout and said "can I pray for you?"
She is still out of it but keeps saying ur name she said to tell u dinosaurs aren't real but biscuit with a z made bad choices
Wanna go get tea? Warning: I will be high in an hour.
duddde i wasn't even home last night and someone elses clothes are on my floor and there glow sticks everywhere?!
Double high-fived his wife and her sister on the way out. If I'm not the best mistress ever tell me how.
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