The sex toys I ordered are being shipped to my billing address instead of shipping address. Take a guess where they're on their way to right now - my parents' house. And the package has to be signed for so there's no way around it. Fuck.
How was your sisters wedding?
Oh, I didn't go. I slept through my alarm. I finally woke up and was like...I don't think so.
sisterhood ftl.
Should I go home with him even though I know my Run DMC undies have skid marks on them?
he saw my boobs and came all over himself... there goes my whole night.
ENDLESS SCROLLING ON TUMBLR WAS MADE FOR HIGH PEOPLE!
she was passed out on the moving sidewalks in the airport, we NEED to travel more often
Before you ask, yes. Whatever you're wearing IS too slutty for his mom's funeral.
I won the karaoke contest at the bar last night, when they called my name i was doing blow off the toilet seat, i thought they caught me, i didnt even know there wasa contest
Also, I just saw a woman change into her stripper outfit in the bathroom at Target.
you can't just make up for the fact that you broke up with me by tagging yourelf in my embarrassing facebook videos of you
he's hot he just has too much baggage, and has really fucking skinny ankles which freaks me out
you aren't having sex with his ankles, As long as knee caps and above are good, i'd go for it
I can see the future and your future is full of penis
I joined the mile high club last night. I ran a mile while high on coke. It was glorious
He caught a cramp during sex and I was like "do you want me to get you a banana?" And he responded with "I'll give you a banana" and kept going. I'm marrying him.
The best thing about this time of year is that all I have to do is add a random mardi gras decoration to my cart full of alcohol and boom, no more judging
Randomize
