exactly what part of this weekend seemed like a good idea?
Remember, sex is not sex til both people cross the finish line. Until then, it is just a favor.
This flask doesn't match my outfit. I hope the gays don't mind.
i'll get you drunk even if i have to inject alcohol into your arm through an IV
you're the only one i would trust to do that
Remember when I peed in the trash can in the ATM room last night?
Never thought I'd say this, but thank god for my blackouts.
After Madison dropped a bottle of full vodka an it shattered on the floor, it was quiet for literally 3 min straight and then drew said "the booze gods have spoken"
He paid the bartender with money from the tip jar then proceeded to hit on me in front of my date. I love frat dances
Dilemas of the modern woman: deciding whether or not to write on your ex's wall for his birthday. This is serious.
ON A SIMILAR NOTE MY DICK SIZE PSYCHIC SKILLS ARE SO GOOD
I am sorry. I am also on acid.
I lost my bra at his grandma's house so there's that.
He's only giving you free adderall so you can focus on his dick.
I keep picking up boring men who literally just want to cuddle. HOW AM I THIS BAD AT GETTING SEX?
Im quite confident that my struggle with sobriety ended last night sometime after dinner
I woke up to a bum peeing outside my window, and he said, "This is embarrassing for you."
Randomize
