I think I'd remember a dick in my mouth
i feel like my life has become an afroman song and idk whether i should be sad about that or not
I didn't know people actually cried after sex.
no. you're not making a beach trip out of my abortion.
I'm writing my will in case I die this week, it'll be saved on my computer under: little 500 death scenario
Horrible. I told her my girlfriend is in the hospital and she tried to give me a lapdance.
Well you know it's going to be an interesting night when the bathroom attendant is doing hail marrys
her vagina just converted me to Judaism.
Zombie crawl summary: 5 of 6 friends successfully laid. friend 6 too drunk to care and making out with a whale (not a costume)
You realize we were screaming in the car about our apartment next year because we can "bring home randoms whenever we want" and "stare at each other from our door ways"
School starts Thursday. Don't fling yourself out of the car to throw up screaming "classy" before I park this time.
It's a new year.
Ok maybe now I get why I'm single I think I just broke a rib pooping
OF COURSE I FUCKED HIM! Did you not read the part about him having red and green Christmas condoms?
Fucked a DJ on a jetski today... I love florriidaaa!
You kept saying, "please sir, can I have some more."
Randomize
