If I were a boy, I'd name my penis Reptar.
He's married, but his wife isn't my neighbor so I don't feel bad about coveting him.
Still not exactly sure how i unbolted your toilet from the ground.
don't be alarmed if you come back and i'm passed out drunk and naked cuddling with the franzia.
I pretty much have hash tequila and gelato for dinner every night
ugh he was not leaving in the morning so i tried to scare him by crying and saying i wasnt ready to lose my virginity.
I just threw up on the floor. And we're gonna fuck on the beer pong table, so keep everyone upstairs.
It's one of those mornings where you wake up and want to go to church for the first time in ten years. THAT shameful.
Any formal decision about whether we're planning to objectify naked women with daddy issues tonight?
I came home wearing somebody's thong. If you're missing one message me privately.
Seriously insulted!! You can not share my dick pick with your gay brother. He won't quit poking me on fb
All I remember is dance battling with a man named tom the entire time who kept buying me drinks so id say it was a success
An old white couple caught us smoking the foot long. THE LOOK ON THEIR FACES.
I don't know how a coffee date turned into road head. But hey
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos
Randomize
