I want to make Jon&Kate babies with him. Not in quantity, but in percentage asian.
yeah seriously, fuck school. I'm changing my master's thesis question from "what are the neuropsychological correlates of antisocial personality" to "will my cat drink this beer"
I'd like to say he was whispering sweet nothings into my ear all night but really he was just whispering "pussyyy"
it's like doing a sit-up... but, you're inside someone
One of two things would happen: He'd love it, or you'd get a restraining order.
Hey could you buy me 2 bottles of arbor mist? I'm trying to get laid tonight
Russell brand is gross. Everytime I see him I just wanna give him a bath. He's like a used condom.
The only thing you accomplished yesterday was dry humping me on the floor of my work place WHILE I was working.
Walking in on a gay threesome, with a girl in the corner watching and taking vid is a reason to not only knock, but to never go to Savannah.
You know it was a good night when you're lying on the couch in your pjs at 4pm having a pitcher of ice water for breakfast.
I need to stop getting drunk and telling people it isn't "about them."
Let's try finding a bar where there aren't people who want to hang me from a tree by my nutsack
Drank your wedding present. Sorry
I hope the lord has blessed you with many tampons, child.
He kept telling me my vagina was a pleasure cave... I ended up just taking it as a complimetn
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