His internet searches, listed chronologically: sex slave, volunteer sex slave, lava
just took my ibuprofen with ramen broth, yay college
I need ur penis! This is not drunk texting, either! This is I need ur penis texting. There IS a difference!
you knoww youre high when you are just as concerned as the contestants on ultimate cake off as they move their 250 lbs cake over the ramp
We pulled over so he could pee and the next thing I know he's running down the hill by himself with his pants down
Nothing says walk of shame like leather pants in daylight
My crowning drunk achievement from that night was donating $5 to the Obama campaign.
You're perfect
I mean he gave me an 'I owe you an orgasm' fist bump
We couldn't find the paddle I had gotten so he just spanked with my tennis raquet
This is my gift to your gina
It started with a wedding, followed by a drag show, and ended with Trevor getting punched in the face by the bouncer. How was your weekend?
Yeah well you try taking nice pictures while you have pizza crust lodged in your throat
I'm eating your cookies as payment for having to listen to you. Happy sex
I told people at my moms bar that all I needed to sober up was to get my asshole licked, and I blame you 110%.
she was puking nonstop out of the car window in the rain during our hour long drive back, we got lot of honks
Randomize
