I just realized that my mother and I have the same favorite sex position, Guess which one!
OMG! Ew.
Lucky Dad.
Random question, how's your gag reflex these days
a stripper queefed in my friends mouth last night and it reminded me of you. miss you
my coke dealer is running a Black Friday special
I'm drinking away my Christmas cash. People are going to get bar receipts as presents.
When i tried to give you something that wasn't tequila...like water....you kept saying it was against your religion.
I've always been the spiritual type.
Is it appropriate to put "Mommy and Daddys shitfaced-ness that led to Aubrey" on a birth announcement?
Well you two just had a kid in the middle of college, I dont think anyone will notice.
Thanks bro
He's like Medusa, you can't look directly into his eyes or you'll turn into a slut.
Last night he asked the cab driver "if you were in the middle of getting tattooed and the tattoo artist suddenly got a boner would you leave or would you get that boner??"
When he was going down on me I referred to him as "Lord Snow" and HE GOT IT. HE GOT THE GAME OF THRONES REFERENCE. I AM IN LOVE
he just sent me a dick pic, it highly resembled a cheese stick
where are my pants?
in the oven.
she just punched him in the balls in front of everyone and yelled "YOU SEE WHAT YOU MADE ME DO"
duddde i wasn't even home last night and someone elses clothes are on my floor and there glow sticks everywhere?!
You know its awkward when your mom walks in on you and your boyfriend yelling surprise....I was scared into an orgasm
Randomize
