I gotta feeling the economic climate has killed the housewife market
i will soon be in a relationship on fb
you!?
me and your mom. i mean, lisa.
hey i know this is weird but does alcohol affect pregnancy tests?
and now that ive poetically compared your vagina to a nuclear missile, I hope youre prepared for this date.
Hey man thanks for carrying me in and out of that frat house. There's no I in team.
i wasn't about to bring her gummy handcuffs to her father's funeral
Your philanthropic work just got me laid, thanks dad for naming me #2.
You act as if I'm the first person to pee in the Taco Bell drive thru at 2 AM, I'm sure a lot worse things have happen in that drive thru than my urine.
I'd say it's a shame and a disservice to the world that we can't stay drunken shitshows to infinity
I just woke up to three dick pics. Apparently in my blacked out state. I was asking for them as the new valentines day card.
I'm sitting here bra-less eating jalepeno candied bacon. You know you want this.
Coming.
A big dick and how quickly they respond to snapchat is all I look for in a guy
New low. Just realized I hooked up with a guy from Grindr in the hallway of a building my great grandfather used to own..
How fast can you get here?\nI need to ride your cock into the sunset.
Fuck you, i'm all jacked up on bananas lets go somewhere
Randomize
