i'm not a human right now. not even a dancer.
:( I miss blowjobs.
This is probably the strangest conversational segue we've ever had.
so apparently the car got towed with me passed out in the back seat.
im kinda looking forward to winter break. ive been away from home for so long i think i can trick my vagina into thinking that these arent the same people ive been hooking up with since high school...
Props to the guy on crutches playing edward forty hands. Dedicated to drinking games is an understatement.
A man and his most likely hooker just bought us Taco Bell.
Sometimes turtles just really trip me out man
Just sitting here contemplating the meaning of life.
So you're drunk waiting for the bus.
Stay positive! You think people like sad vaginas? NO! You'll get some!
I gave him a BJ in the shower
I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
I just had sex with the kid I walked next to at my first holy communion
just had an allergic reaction to my dildo. My life is ruined.
I was like ahh were on two different pages, I know there's rumors of me moving to boston but I can't and I'm not adding long distance to the relationship I have with my 31 year old recently divorced ex boss
This year my vagina is giving thanks that several of my cubs are coming home for the holiday
I think she lost me at about the point where the words “Ice Cream Enema” were spoken.
Randomize
