she needs to go suck a dildo, because she isn't worth a dick
Great, now everyone thinks I've had giraffe semen in me
That girl you went home with last night was dressed in a bright blue sweats at the bar. 205lb Smurffete FTL. Boy were you in epic form.
I sent him a pic of my tits.. All he said was, "oh your sun burn"
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I do have sympathy for you. It's just not going to manifest as a blow job.
Chances are I'll be there for your wedding. Camelbaks filled with jack and coke are appropriate attire, right?
I just want you to know that we eye fucked the shit out of someone who just got drafted
"The cab driver felt bad for us so he stopped to buy us chocolates. That counts as a valentine!"
Still dying that you shit outside
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Your brother's naked in the courtyard again. Just a head's up.
Just realized I chose a bacon cheeseburger over sex last night
I laid naked in his bed as he brought me an ice cream sandwich so I would say everything worked out great
I wouldn't marry anyone who wouldn't symbolically fuck a doughnut with a sausage though.
Which sister was it? The one I accidentally hit when my shoe flew off or the one I ate candy off of when we were high?
I'm dancing with a sandwich I just made cause I'm so happy how delicious it tastes, that high haha
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