I'm gonna have a badass scar
I missed Saved by the Bell this morning, but Ashley in a later episode of Fresh Prince is keeping the morning wood alive.
In an effort to go green, I just used rainwater to fill my bong.
You came on your own forehead. Just wanted to remind you that.
This morning two of his housemate threw confetti over me, started singing and handed me a make shift trophy out of cereal boxes and beer cans that said 'Harry's Virginity' on it. Fucking brilliant!
I woke up to his gay cousin telling me I had the prettiest boobs. I don't even wanna know.
Until you wake up with a Hustler club stripper in the next room whose nipple you were coerced to lick at Snake & Jake's after breaking up a fight between an Indian and a Filipino, I don't wanna hear about your weird.
Slutty summer 2013 has officially started. I did accidentally bite a dick though.
Welcome to the single world where it seems vibrator batteries are in short supply and making a sandwich while naked at 2am is relatively normal
so I definitely just chased tequila shots with a biscuit covered in sausage gravy
Thats fucking manlier than riding a bear into battle
We hooked up for a while and on his way out he high fived me and said "stay weird"
I wore his All-American medal during sex. I came in first that night.
I told her we had to stay at the bar until at least midnight because that's when my direct deposit hit, don't tell me i'm not responsible
Yeah but the jokes on her right? We just got a new couch and hers still has a cum stain on it from like six months ago
She just. Cock slapped me. With string cheese.
Randomize
