maybe you should take the dick out of your mouth before you start talking.
i did. i'm using it as a microphone.
You're the only person with a favorite bar in Disneyworld
so after morning sex, she rolled a joint and turned on sports center
you might have found the rare bro goddess. i thought they were myth
it turns out jennifers body is not good to beat off to. yeah its megan fox but when she pukes up blood = goodbye boner
how does a 20 year old who hasnt gone through puberty yet score the game winning goal? fuck sidney crosby and his small nuts.
doing lines of blow through a tampon applicator in the study lounge at 7am so i can finish an italian composition that was due a week and a half ago...such a good student.
There's a hand-carved wooden bong in my backpack, and i really wish i could remember last night now.
buying my parents vodka for Christmas is like buying a normal person socks.
The heaters out again. Makin a fire in thebroke toilet for warmth.
Also, you tried to make me learn all of the presidents, in order, with a picture book as an aid. At 4 am. What the fuck?
on a brighter note, the cop thought i could kick adams ass if it came down to that and said he had $20 on me if it ever happens
Mostly i might never get belligerent again because im gonna have to keep track of a diamond ring.
Sex in the moonbounce later?
This is why I love you.
He doesn't have an existential crisis after we have really violent sex now which is nice
dude, there is no doorman in your lobby and the front door is locked
oh yeah, sorry he's up here at the party. coming now
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