Remember when you weren't going to be a shit show?
you didnt say anything until i brought it up today. i guess i misjudged your maturity.
I guess I misjudged your gender.
I'm waiting for seagulls to eat this throw up
i wonder what thom yorke's orgasms sound like
this girl im hooking up with thought my ring was a purity ring... apparently im taking it too slow
So somehow I got from NYC to a suburban town in the middle of Jersey. At 4am. Thank god there are trains that can rectify my mistakes...
5th glass of wine. There's pictures of Jesus everywhere. It's like you're constantly reminded of your sins here.
I don't think the cop knew you were on ecstasy until you asked for a back rub.
Ughhh I can't remember the last time "time fell back or springed forward" and I wasn't at the bar to argue about it :(
What is your life?
A tangled mess of finals and bad decisions.
Yeah, but I think it would be a little awkward to explain to Mom that the girl I brought for lunch is not my girlfriend but just a fuck buddy who I met after she hit and totaled my car last month.
my life could not get any worse. just saw my sister in a porno
No no this isn't that fun. I'm alone drinking wine and me and the dogs ran out of things to talk about around 9 am.
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score onr for mom.
as i was trying not to drunkingly fall off her toliet, i noticed her socks laying there. i quickly grabbed them, ran upstairs, and excitingly asked her if she had gotten them at sams club. she replied with, "...those are your socks."
Randomize
