All time low... just gave a strip tease to the theme song from Law&Order SVU.
Adam has been drinking
Who has his phone
Adam does
Mom wants to know why I'm bringing a blender back to college.... didn't have the heart to tell her she's paying a $20,000 tuition for us to make margaritas and sleep through class
i've already watched her fall off the steps, walk up on our porch and try to dance with the dog, and stumble across the street to stand outside the neighbors window...is it taking it too far to watch this rando girl and some guy have sex behind our parking lot now?
i guess it wasn't a booty call since he got home from the club at 6:00 am... he told me to consider it morning sex
Manscaping on you would be like trying to clean up the oil spill with a dixie cup.
He tried to cuddle with me after we hooked up and i just looked at him and said why are you still here?
Dude he's your dog he doesn't love me more than you. I'm just like that cool uncle that takes him to burger king and to see girls.
were you high?
When?
Actually just blanket yes to that question
The universe is cradling this hangover like a gay couple cradles their newly adopted chinese baby.
He said it was fake. Like really? Hey baby, I wanna sleep with you, so here's a picture of a fake tiny dick
Everytime Our professor said "penis fencing" in class today we took shots.
I just drove my booty call to his booty call, if that isn't spreading the love, I don't know what is.
Apparently I called him, said "vodka" and then hung up on him.
What's the best way to tell someone that I accidentally wound up in a gay harem?
Randomize
