this party is like a fast-foward into the future when im 40 and married with children
I only knew it was midnight because i got happy new years texts while i puked outside
remember earlier when I said I was over sex with random boys? take it back take it back take it back
I love how understanding people are when they hear we first hooked up getting high and watching nature shows
I just found a bottle of gin in my vegetable crisper. Party is back on.
when i got home i made myself toast with butter & put pasta on it. I know this cause it's all over my bed.
Drunk in my research methods class at 9:30 in the morning. We should do a quantitative analysis of my mimosa consumption.
I am both scared and jealous.
Im doing shots of vodka in the bathroom covered in pillows.
Tornado warnings are fun!
Great night. I'm in the middle of explaining to her how the stock market works and she just rips my pants off and starts blowing me. Nerdiest blowjob ever.
It has gotten to a point where I just want to sit on his face. Less butterflies, more orgasms.
I just connected with one of your drug dealers on LinkedIn.
My life hurts
I woke up 30 minutes away from the bar, my car was at a train station, and when I got home all I got was the speechless head shake
It was horribly awesome. Its like looking at the sun, you know its bad for you but I just couldn't stop looking.
I was so drunk I asked my mom if she had always been my mom or if it was someone else for a while
are you the reason the first floor girls' bathroom smells like weed?
Randomize
