Oh god I think I promised some guy from high school that I'd be his fuck buddy in like 3 months
Drunk Tina signed up to be part of the crew team and got a text from the captain telling her there's practice tomorrow. Wtf
I kinda wanna eat your hands right now.
Put down the everclear and go to bed.
I'm going to try to be reasonable tonight and keep my drink count out of double digits
I have a pocket in my purse that is just for condoms and cocktail swords. I feel like that speaks volumes about me as a person
i vomited out of my nose in three different houses so far, i will be back for my boots tomorrow
So I got my junk pierced since we've fucked. You should get in on this.
I went through my entire iTunes library and made a playlist called "Feelings". I have 7.5 hours of feelings.
Hatred of squirrels is the least of my hereditary problems.
Well if your hearts not big enough, your penis certainly is. Just have a threesome
so in addition to the two guys I slept with last night, and the third that I turned down this morning, a fourth has appeared. best Valentine's Day ever.
And thank god for autocorrect cuz I can't even think in English let alone spell in it right now.
OMG WE ARE UP TO THREE MINORS WORKING HERE. I AM NOT READY FOR THIS MID LIFE CRISIS.
This is either going to be a hilarious catfish or the fuck trophy of the century.
Yeah everywhere i go i feel like a 3rd or 5th or (2n+1)th wheel. That's right, i'm a mathematically depressed drunk.
Randomize
