just survived the first fart of the relationship.
So i got in my car, the seats are leaned back, and soft soul music is playing. Wtf happened last night.
Sex and the city 2 and twilight getting released in the same month. God hates mankind.
Supposedly i was taking multiple birth control pills while screaming dot judge me. Never going back
I gave him head while he watched NASCAR. My future flashed before my eyes.
The problem with Wednesday evening drinking is that no gets to my level. It's like like a one man party. But it's a goood party.
You were telling me last night 101 proof was nothing and you needed 400 proof or better yet military or marine proof, because you're marine grade.... You rascal.
I'm puking in a turkey pan....
It was the hardest I ever came in my life and once I could see straight again I just looked at him and said "cool"
No like he has curves. I remember thinking he had a nicer body than me
Mom and I shoplifted today. Her idea.
Retirement sounds fun.
literally took my pants off in the middle of bourbon last night without taking off my heels im a super human i guess
You know you've been on Tinder too long when you're the guy cropped out of the profile pic. Of a woman you're still seeing...
I'm going to be there later than expected. There was a yo-yo incident...
Why are there condoms taped to the handle of Tito’s?
I get horny when I drink, pregnant when I fuck and I never lose the booze unlike my purse
I shit myself and fell down the stairs and I’m still finding shit In those pants.
Randomize
