homeboy just tried to sext with me at 8:30 in the morning while I was on a job interview...
so you did it...
obv...but still...it was inconsiderate.
I got an 8 ball and a free entrance pass to the strip club, if i dont get laid tonight I never will.
I'm pretty sure you're not supposed to hit on someone with another guy's semen in your hair. not even at ihop.
We sold so many girl scout cookies when we were little. What went wrong?
I told him we couldn't hang out because I had strep, he said he's had it once so he couldn't get it again. The sex isn't worth this level of stupidity
OK! No more randoms over for the next month this is the third fucking time I caught a naked dude drinking my OJ in the middle of the night.
When did it become appropriate to call your mother the morning after? While still naked in bed? WHEN?!
She apologized again the next day. I said it was pee under the bridge
I feel like every time I get the courage to masturbate to a guy from Game of Thrones, they kill him off.
I think he's an actor
That's not a good enough reason to wear guy-liner
He sends me pictures of his dogs and I send him my tits, it's a win win situation
Gonna be late for work. Sex comes first. Priorities.
Nothing ruins an orgasm faster than accidentally calling out his boss's name
My good Christian morals say no, but my complete disregard of anything related to religion says yes
Taking a shit in a Texas 7/11... not accepting phone calls now lol
Randomize
