Awkward is getting caught beating off in the company bathroom...
my orientation roommate looks just like New York of Flavor Flav fame
god, you should never be in the FBI. you'd give away america's secrets to any boy who asked.
sometimes i think what itd be like to be a firework
Heading to the gym, the one that guy said he goes to. Already checked online, his class is at 5. And no, this isn't too much after meeting him last night. Stop judging me,
Don't use the things I tell you while drunk after the bruins won the cup against me
That feels better than graduating college or that time I tried to ride a llama. Did you know they really spit?
I think I'm getting sponsored by the Mexican Drug Cartel for the start of my poker career. It was an interesting night at the bar. One word, Vegas.
You kept asking us from the backseat if you were driving ok and then you kept talking to your hiccups and yelling at them to "stop it already!"
They said you went back in for 30 minutes and were walking with your arms out like an eagle soaring
Apparently, Lolla sends you an email every time you use your wristband to buy a beer.
21 new emails...yikes
Grandma's bordering on serious shit show territory at this point.
The police report said i was screaming at someone that wasnt there, then the cops told me to call someone sober and i called mike to tell him "They are trying to arrest me for stealing information from the FBI" at that point they took me to jail.
You have a penis. Therefore everything you say is automatically wrong.
This is a hangover from hell. Delivered by the devil himself.
Randomize
