So, we're in the car ready to fuck and she asks about my ex. I wave at my lap and say, "bye". She asks what I'm doing. I say, "waving goodbye to my erection"
Why does everyone think all I do is drink? I go to class on wednesdays
We had sex on my friends waterbed ..after that the whole school kept asking him if he had fun getting "sea-sick" last night.
I just fell down the stairs in the library and further deviated my septum. That's why I don't study.
no i do not regret standing at the wendys drive thu handing the employees mardi gra beads to get free chicken nuggets
I just found our entire wall-to-wall from September 2006 printed out and clipped... it's 49 pages. Blackout me is so considerate of bored-at-work me
...then she kept trying to make balloon animals with my flacid penis. I'm never drinking whisky with you again.
Vegas should really enforce the buddy system because if not everyone is going to end up swimming during the water show in front of the Bellagio.
I feel like god wrote up a contract of my life, and i just signed off on that shit without reading the fine print.
I wish I could remember her name, I mean we fucked and all, but it woulda been nice to tag her in the instagram pics.
Just ignore his excessive use of exclamation points and be happy this one is of age.
You fucker.
Know what's awkward? Having a couple of moving guys watch while you detach the bondage cuffs from your bedframe, that's what.
He literally took a shit in my bathroom and then broke up with me.
Saw throw up in the parking lot at work, glad I'm not the only one. But now the search begins.
Mary's wearing shades at her desk, brilliant!
Cockblock successful. That's for pouring nacho cheese on my flatscreen, asshole.
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