I woke up with a black eye and dim memories of announcing that i had super powers. I shoved my pockets full of canned tuna and tried to jump off the balcony. And then my boyfriend called the cops.
so you're not coming in to work today?
So she comes up to me at the end of the night and asks me if I going to take her home and fuck her. I pretty much had to right?
you had an obligation.
Are they hot? And are the slutty? These are my concerns for any wedding. You say yes, and yes, I will be your best man
Pray the makeout fairy visits me this weekend.
Ps I don't think it counts as being open minded if you didn't know he was missing a leg until you had already started making out.
The last good decent convo we has was when I was trying to convince you to let me watch you pee.
I can officially say I had a blunt rolled on my ass
She gave me what I will now dub a "hurricane sandy". Loud, wet and sloppy BJ that made me want to stay home and complain about shit on the Internet
It is officially Christmas time in Chicago. There's a drunk hobo on the CTA singing the first 2 lines of Frosty the Snowman over and over and over.
Yeah I'm at work. Nothing like the threat of blowing chunks on passing cars to make you feel alive.
Gotta admit I did think about bartering you out to the gay guys for $20 and the dudes flashy neck scarf
Fun holiday story for you: Alex and I went out drinking. She left. I needed a ride home. Met this dude and told him to drive my car back. Once at my house, I made him take out my dog and then apologized for not wanting to make out with him. I said, let me go see if my roommate is interested and then I slept in Alex's bed all night.
20 bucks says he was an actual leprechaun
I just offered a cat a "drinky drinky" I'd say my night has started
Playing Cards Against Humanity with my relatives at Christmas while I'm stoned was a bad idea...
On a scale of 1 to alcoholic in withdrawal how ready will you be to start drinking as soon as you arrive on campus?
Randomize
